a terrific crack at the back of the
ear might produce so great an elevation of the organ of _combativeness_ as
might obtain for the greatest coward a reputation for the greatest courage;
and a thundering rap on the centre of the head might raise on the skull of
the veriest brute a bump of, and name for, _benevolence_.

* * * * *

"IT WAS BEFORE I MARRIED."

A BENEDICTINE LYRIC.

Well, come my dear, I will confess--
(Though really you too hard are)
So dry these tears and smooth each tress--
Let Betty search the larder;
Then o'er a chop and genial glass,
Though I so late have tarried,
I will recount what came to pass
I' the days before I married.

Then, every place where fashion hies,
Wealth, health, and youth to squander,
I sought--shot folly as it flies,
'Till I could shoot no longer.
Still at the opera, playhouse, clubs,
'Till midnight's hour I tarried;
Mixed in each scene that fashion dubs
"The Cheese"--before I married.

Soon grown familiar with the town,
Through Pleasure's haze I hurried;
(Don't feel alarmed--suppress that frown--
Another glass--you're flurried)
Subscribed to Crockford's, betted high--
Such specs too oft miscarried;
My purse was full (nay, check that sigh)--
It was before I married.

At Ascot I was quite the thing,
Where all admired my tandem;
I sparkled in the stand and ring,
Talked, betted (though at random);
At Epsom, and at Goodwood too,
I flying colours carried.
Flatterers and followers not a few
Were mine--before I married.

My cash I lent to every one,
And gay crowds thronged around me;
My credit, when my cash was gone,
'Till bills and bailiffs bound me.
With honeyed promises so sweet,
Each friend his object carried,
Till I was marshalled to the Fleet;
But--'twas before I married.

Then sober thoughts of wedlock came,
Suggested by the papers;
The _Sunday Times_ soon raised a flame,
The _Post_ cured all my vapours;
And spite of what Romance may say
'Gainst courtship so on carried,
Thanks to the fates and fair "Z.A."
I now am blest and--married.

* * * * *

JOCKY JASON.

Jockey Campbell, who has secured 4,000l. a-year by crossing the water and
occupying for 20 hours the Irish _Woolsack_, strongly reminds us of Jason's
Argonautic expedition, after the _g