_Mild Young Lady_. Oh, if you please, a friend of mine was married
three weeks ago, and she and her husband are staying at the Grand
Hotel, Paris. Might I hear what they are saying. Here's their name.

_Lect._ (_taking card_). Nothing easier. (_Speaking through
telephone._) Put us on to Grand Hotel, Paris, Room 1564. (_To
Customer_.) A shilling please, Madam. Thank you, and here you are.

_Mild Y.L._ (_taking receivers_). Oh, thank you. (_She places them to
her ears and then drops them hurriedly._) Oh dear me! She has kept him
waiting, and he is using _such_ bad language! You ought to have told
me.

_Lect._ We can't guarantee language. Why, would you believe it, Madam,
that sometimes we have complaints of things said in Norway! Pray
Ladies and Gentlemen, make your selection. (_To Intelligent-looking
Stranger._) Can I tempt you. Sir? They are playing a new piece at
Chicago. It is excellent, I am told--a domestic comedy. Next week, if
it's successful, we shall produce it with scenery and effects on the
kinetograph. Try it, Sir?

_Intelligent Stranger_. I don't mind if I do, (_Raising receivers._)
Call this a domestic comedy? Why I can hear firing!

_Lect._ Very strange, Sir. Nothing in the plot to account for it,

_Intell. Stran._ Stay, you say it's in Chicago! I know what the firing
means! They don't like the piece, and they are shooting the Author!

_Lect._ Of course, Sir! (_To Small Boy._) And now my little man, what
do _you_ want?

_Small Boy_. Please, Sir, I have got a shilling to spend in hearing
something from somewhere all the world over.

_Lect._ (_producing programme_). Here is a list of our stations. You
see we have wires laid on to all parts of Europe, Africa, Asia, and
America. Next Tuesday we shall be in communication with Australia. And
now, what will you have?

_Small Boy_. I don't know. Something exciting, please.

_Lect._ Well, you can hear, by taking these, a number of Astronomers
discussing in Committee the transit of Venus. Or, if you listen to
these, you will hear a chat about the floating of the next Russian
loan, held in one of the centres of speculation, to wit, the Bourse at
Vienna. Most interesting, I can assure you. Which will you have?

_Small Boy_. Oh, please, I don't care for astronomy, and am too young
to understand finance.

_Lect._ Now, here's a Bull Fight--you can distinctly hear the
shouts--and here's a Chinese execution.

_Small Boy_. Oh, _that_ will be nice. Which