wear
and tear alone excepted.

_PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT._

Syndicate says if they have to pay so much for Coliseum, _and_ return
it, they must have remains of Forum thrown in.

_KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N._

Don't think we could spare ruins of Forum. Have you thought of
Vatican? We could easily spare _that_. Why not approach the POPE on
the subject?

_PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT._

No, thanks! Sorry to have troubled you for nothing, but Syndicate
has now arranged to build a Coliseum of its own, double the size of
yours, and to reproduce Forum, Parthenon, Capitol, Vatican, as well
as Windsor Castle and Westminster Abbey, out of old brown paper,
compressed and hardened by a new process. Ta-ta for present! Hope
you'll get over next Budget all right.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD(N'T) RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID.

(_In Mrs. Talbot de Vere Skynflynte's Drawing-Room, after one of her
grand Dinner-Parties where nobody gets enough to eat._)

_General Guzzleton_. "WHAT'S THAT? TEA? NO, THANKS. I NEVER TAKE TEA
UNLESS I'VE DINED!"]

* * * * *

ALL ADRIFT; OR, THREE MEN IN A PUNT.

["The uncertainty as to the course of business, justifies, to
a certain extent, the criticisms of Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT and
Mr. LABOUCHERE, upon the proceedings of the Government."--_The
Times_.]

_B-lf-r_. Humph! Shifting ground again! I did think we were in for a
quiet swim and good sport.

"Oh! the jolly angler's life
Is the beat of any!"

Yes, that's all very fine, IZAAK. But it depends upon your pitch--and
your companions. I say, G-SCH-N, what _are_ you up to? Don't let the
punt swing round like that, man, I was nearly over, and my tackle's
fouled.

_G-sch-n_ (_struggling with pole_). All very well for you to sit
coolly there and criticise me, ARTHUR! _Wh-o-o-of!_ Confound the punt,
it's all over the place, and the stream's like a mill-race.

_B-lf-r_. Well, hold on to the pole, JOKIM, or we shall be all adrift.
We'd better have kept to our first pitch; it _was_ quiet there, and
we hooked one or two sizeable ones. (_Aside._) Fact is, you're such a
fidget, you lose your fish, and then want to change the pitch.

_G-sch-n_ (_aside_). That's right, grumble, grumble! Dawdling duffer,
he sprawls across the well in one of his infernal aesthetic attitudes,
picks the best swim, and girds at us who have to handle