Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eye
can reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking glass,
and maintaineth unrivaled control over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs. We,
thy liege subjects, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in the
course of which we have landed and taken possession of that obscure little
dirty planet, which thou beholdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouth
monsters which we have brought into this august present were once very
important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings
totally destitute of the common attributes of humanity, and differing in
everything from the inhabitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their
heads upon their shoulders, instead of under their arms--have two eyes
instead of one--are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of
unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead of
pea-green.

"We have moreover found these miserable savages sunk into a state of the
utmost ignorance and depravity, every man shamelessly living with his own
wife, and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that community
of wives enjoined by the law of nature, as expounded by the philosophers
of the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy
among them, but are, in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians.
Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad condition of these sublunary
wretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, to
introduce among them the light of reason and the comforts of the moon. We
have treated them to mouthfuls of moonshine, and draughts of nitrous
oxide, which they swallowed with incredible voracity, particularly the
females; and we have likewise endeavored to instil into them the precepts
of lunar philosophy. We have insisted upon their renouncing the
contemptible shackles of religion and common sense, and adoring the
profound, omnipotent, and all perfect energy, and the ecstatic, immutable,
immovable perfection. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these
wretched savages that they persisted in cleaving to their wives, and
adhering to their religion, and absolutely set at nought the sublime
doctrines of the moon--nay, among other abominable heresies they even went
so far as blasphemously to declare that this ineffable planet was made of
nothing more nor less than green cheese!"

At these words, the great Man in the Moon (being a very prof