attering about his ears, and
battered and belabored him with hard words and sound arguments, yet Tough
Breeches hung on most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, as
is usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right, without
coming to any conclusion; but they hated each other most heartily for ever
after, and a similar breach with that between the houses of Capulet and
Montague did ensue between the families of Ten Breeches and Tough
Breeches.

I would not fatigue my reader with these dull matters of fact, but that my
duty as a faithful historian requires that I should be particular; and, in
truth, as I am now treating of the critical period when our city, like a
young twig, first received the twists and turns which have since
contributed to give it its present picturesque irregularity, I cannot be
too minute in detailing their first causes.

After the unhappy altercation I have just mentioned, I do not find that
anything further was said on the subject worthy of being recorded. The
council, consisting of the largest and oldest heads in the community, met
regularly once a week, to ponder on this momentous subject; but, either
they were deterred by the war of words they had witnessed, or they were
naturally averse to the exercise of the tongue, and the consequent
exercise of the brains--certain it is, the most profound silence was
maintained--the question, as usual, lay on the table--the members quietly
smoked their pipes, making but few laws, without ever enforcing any, and
in the meantime the affairs of the settlement went on--as it pleased God.

As most of the council were but little skilled in the mystery of
combining pot-hooks and hangers, they determined most judiciously not to
puzzle either themselves or posterity with voluminous records. The
secretary, however, kept the minutes of the council with tolerable
precision, in a large vellum folio, fastened with massy brass clasps; the
journal of each meeting consisted but of two lines, stating in Dutch that
"the council sat this day, and smoked twelve pipes on the affairs of the
colony." By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulate
their time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they measure
distances in Holland at this very time; an admirably exact measurement, as
a pipe in the mouth of a true-born Dutchman is never liable to those
accidents and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks out
of order.

In th