ufferings of

MATADOR.

* * * * *

UNIVERSITY-MANIA.

MY DEAR P.:--I have made some curious observations of this disease,
which lead to startling conclusions.

It is a malady peculiar to the United States, being an eruption
resulting from indigestion of unripe knowledge, together with excess of
vanity in individual blood.

Universities spring up among us like mushrooms, in a night. The seed of
knowledge is sown broadcast over our land. In fact, in this particular
we may be said to be very seedy, indeed.

For my part I have no objection to Universities--when they _are_
Universities. But, at the rate at which we are now progressing, we shall
soon have "every man his own University." It will become the fashion to
keep a University in the back-yard. And then, you know, the institution
must have its own particular organ, you know. Every man, and every
member of his family, shall print his or her _Free Press_, and
independence of opinion shall reign.

Glorious country! Glorious free speech!
With WALT WHITMAN, we may well exclaim:
O the BROWN University!
O the splendid University of SMITH!
O CORNELL, his University!

_&c. ad infinitum._

As for me, dear NELLO, I am in the front rank of civilization. I have
accepted the Chair of Cane-bottom in a Grub-Street garret, and rejoice
in a barrel-organ, which plays with great freedom of speech.

Yours pedagoguically,

JEREMY DOGWOOD.

* * * * *

A. Sop for Ireland.

It is stated that Queen VICTORIA has ordered from a Dublin manufacturer
an extensive assortment of Balbriggan hosiery for the wedding outfit of
the Princess LOUISE. There is a stroke of policy in this. In firemen's
phrase it may be called laying on the "hose" to quench disloyalty.

* * * * *

THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. The Marine Hospital.

* * * * *

TRIALS OF A WITNESS.

MR. PUNCHINELLO:--As all people seem to come to you with their troubles
and grievances, I hope you will not refuse to listen to my woes. And
whether they are woes or not, I leave you to judge for yourself.

At the beginning of last week I made my first appearance in any
court-room, in the character of a witness, in the case of VALENTINE
vs. ORSON; in which the point in dispute was the ownership of a tract
of land in Wyoming Territory. I knew something in regar