ur Honor, this is the second
time that this witness has positively testified, under solemn oath, to
important points of which he has no certain knowledge. I ask the Court
for protection for myself and my client.

Here a long discussion took place between the lawyers and the Judge, and
at the end of it the case was postponed for four months. I suppose it is
expected that I will then re-ascend the witness-stand; but I have
determined that when I enter a court-room again I shall appear as a
criminal. These fellows have much the easiest times, and they run so
little risk, nowadays, that their position is far preferable to that of
the unfortunate witnesses.

J. BADGER.

* * * * *

Singular Fatuity.

The reason why so few persons emigrate to this country from Poland, is
the general belief prevailing there that we have throughout the Union a
heavy Pole tax.

* * * * *

THE A.B.C. OF NEW YORK SOCIALISM. ANDREWS, BRISBANE, AND CLAFLIN.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THRILLING MELODRAMA.

Scene: Lord DE VERE'S Manor: The Blue Chamber.

_Lord De Vere._ "BUT ONE COURSE, LADY CLAUDE, IS LEFT TO RETRIEVE OUR
FALLEN FORTUNES. WITH THESE DEAD CATS WE'LL FLY TO MICHIGAN AND START A
MINERAL SPRING. THE MICHIGANDERS ARE WILD ABOUT THEIR SPRINGS, AND WITH
THIS MATERIAL OURS CANNOT BUT BE A SUCCESS."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: ONE OF OUR SOCIAL HUMBUGS.

_Old Gent (figuring up probable receipts of his silver wedding, close at
hand)_. "I'VE HIRED A SPLENDID TEA-SERVICE FOR BROWN TO PRESENT TO US;
IT WILL MAKE QUITE A SENSATION, AND I'VE GOT IT CHEAP FOR THE EVENING."]

* * * * *

POEMS OF THE POLICE.

I, MARY SMITH.

O gallant p'licemen, list to me,
I'll sing a mournful ditty
About a poor young serving-gal,
What lived in this here city.

She had a name, and SMITH it was
(The rest of it was MARY);
Her constant duty, at daybreak,
Was sweeping out the arey.

One evening she went to a jig
(Her missus was attending
A private hop), when there befel
What truly was heart-rending.

She wore her missus' gayest clothes,
Her muslin dress all fluty,
Her waterfall and tag-rags all,
Which well became her beauty.

But missus found poor MARY out,
And in a p'liceman took her,
And w