diplomatique_! And, by my soul, Sir, you
see that I am by no means a thin man! We had three hours of it, were
carried back, made drunk again, sent to bed, roused again in an hour,
made drunk a third time; and, because we _could not_ be waked again,
left in peace till eight the next morning. Invited to court to
breakfast; such headaches we had; longed for coffee; found nothing but
brandy; forced to drink; sick as dogs; sent to take an airing upon
the most damnable little horses, not worth a guilder, no bridles
nor saddles; bump--bump--bump we go, up and down before the Czar's
window,--he and the Czarina looking at us. I do assure you I lost two
stone by that ride,--two stone, Sir!--taken to dinner; drunk again, by
the Lord, all bundled on board a _torrenschute_; devil of a storm came
on; Czar took the rudder; Czarina on high benches in the cabin, which
was full of water; waves beating; winds blowing; certain of being
drowned; charming prospect!--tossed about for seven hours; driven into
the port of Cronsflot. Czar leaves us, saying, 'Too much of a jest,
eh, gentlemen?' All got ashore wet as dog-fishes, made a fire, stripped
stark naked (a Dutch ambassador stark naked,--think of it, Sir!),
crept into some covers of sledges, and rose next morning with the
ague,--positive fact, Sir! Had the ague for two months. Saw the Czar in
August; 'A charming excursion to my pleasure-house,' said his Majesty;
'we must make another party there soon.'"

As the Dutchman delivered himself of the little history he was by no
means forgetful of the Hungary wines; and as Bacchus and Venus have old
affinity, he now began to grow eloquent on the women.

"What think you of them yourself?" said he; "they have a rolling look,
eh?"

"They have so," I answered: "but they all have black teeth; what's the
reason?"

"They think it a beauty, and say white teeth are the sign of a
blackamoor."

Here the Dutchman was accosted by some one else, and there was a pause.
Dinner at last ceased; the guests did not sit long after dinner, and for
a very good reason: the brandy bowl is a great enforcer of a prostrate
position! I had the satisfaction of seeing the company safely under the
table. The Dutchman went first, and, having dexterously manoeuvred an
escape from utter oblivion for myself, I managed to find my way home,
more edified than delighted by the character of a Russian entertainment.

CHAPTER IV.

CONVERSATIONS WITH THE CZAR.--IF CROMWELL WAS