are subservient to you;
Neptune, because you are as changeable as the seas; Vulcan, because you
live among the flames you excite; and Mars, because--"

"You are so destructive," cried my uncle.

"Exactly so; and because," added I--as I shut the door upon the
beauty--"because, thanks to your hoop, you cover nine acres of ground."

"Ods fish, Morton," said my uncle, "you surprise me at times: one while
you are so reserved, at another so assured; to-day so brisk, to-morrow
so gloomy. Why now, Lady Hasselton (she is very comely, eh! faith, but
not comparable to her mother) told me, a week ago, that she, gave you up
in despair, that you were dull, past hoping for; and now, 'Gad, you had
a life in you that Sid himself could not have surpassed. How comes it,
Sir, eh?"

"Why, Uncle, you have explained the reason; it was exactly because she
said I was dull that I was resolved to convict her in an untruth."

"Well, now, there is some sense in that, boy; always contradict ill
report by personal merit. But what think you of her ladyship? 'Gad, you
know what old Bellair said of Emilia. 'Make much of her: she's one of
the best of your acquaintance. I like her countenance and behaviour.
Well, she has a modesty not i' this age, a-dad she has.' Applicable
enough; eh, boy?"

"'I know her value, Sir, and esteem her accordingly,'" answered I, out
of the same play, which by dint of long study I had got by heart. "But,
to confess the truth," added I, "I think you might have left out the
passage about her modesty."

"There, now; you young chaps are so censorious; why, 'sdeath, sir, you
don't think the worse of her virtue because of her wit?"

"Humph!"

"Ah, boy! when you are my age, you'll know that your demure cats are not
the best; and that reminds me of a little story; shall I tell it you,
child?"

"If it so please you, Sir."

"Zauns--where's my snuff-box?--oh, here it is. Well, Sir, you shall
have the whole thing, from beginning to end. Sedley and I were one day
conversing together about women. Sid was a very deep fellow in that
game: no passion you know; no love on his own side; nothing of the sort;
all done by rule and compass; knew women as well as dice, and calculated
the exact moment when his snares would catch them, according to the
principles of geometry. D----d clever fellow, faith; but a confounded
rascal: but let it go no further; mum's the word! must not slander the
dead; and 'tis only my suspicion, you know, afte