, and God's grace, I should, more than upon
one occasion, have attempted, at least, a desperate act: and I the less
wonder how poor creatures, who have not the fear of God before their
eyes, and give way to despondency, cast themselves into perdition.

Come, kiss me, said he, and tell me you forgive me for pushing you into
so much danger and distress. If my mind hold, and I can see those former
papers of yours, and that these in my pocket give me no cause to altar
my opinion, I will endeavour to defy the world and the world's censures,
and make my Pamela amends, if it be in the power of my whole life, for
all the hardships I have made her undergo.

All this looked well; but you shall see how strangely it was all turned.
For this sham-marriage then came into my mind again; and I said, Your
poor servant is far unworthy of this great honour; for what will it be
but to create envy to herself, and discredit to you? Therefore, sir,
permit me to return to my poor parents, and that is all I have to ask.

He was in a fearful passion then. And is it thus, said he, in my fond
conceding moments, that I am to be despised and answered?--Precise,
perverse, unseasonable Pamela! begone from my sight! and know as well
how to behave in a hopeful prospect, as in a distressful state; and
then, and not till then, shalt thou attract the shadow of my notice.

I was startled, and going to speak: but he stamped with his foot, and
said, Begone! I tell you: I cannot bear this stupid romantic folly.

One word, said I; but one word, I beseech you, sir.

He turned from me in great wrath, and took down another alley, and so I
went, with a very heavy heart; and fear I was too unseasonable, just at
a time when he was so condescending: but if it was a piece of art of his
side, as I apprehended, to introduce the sham-wedding, (and, to be sure,
he is very full of stratagem and art,) I think I was not so much to
blame.

So I went up to my closet; and wrote thus far, while he walked about
till dinner was ready; and he is now sat down to it, as I hear by Mrs.
Jewkes, very sullen, thoughtful, and out of humour; and she asks, What
I have done to him?--Now, again, I dread to see him!--When will my fears
be over?

Three o'clock.

Well, he continues exceeding wrath. He has ordered his travelling
chariot to be got ready with all speed. What is to come next, I wonder!

Sure I did not say so much!--But see the lordliness of a high
condition!--A poor body