s
with an enormous power over her, which, if he chooses to keep it, will
enable him to turn their future life in any way he will, because the
greatest desire even of the most strong-minded and domineering woman
when in love is to please the man. A woman only becomes indifferent as
to whether or no she is doing this when she no longer cares.
Therefore, it is the man's business to keep her in this state if he
wants his home to be happy. The first thing for him to realise is that
she cannot remain in love with him by her own will, any more than she
can cease to love him by her own will--these states are produced in
her by something in himself. And if he discontinues using the arts and
attractions which awakened her love, he cannot expect it to continue
its demonstration, any more than a kettle will go on boiling if the
heat beneath is removed from it. This argument, of course, applies to
both sexes. Unfortunately, in a great many cases of marriage, the
simple attraction of sex has been the unconscious motive which has
caused the man to enter the bond, and naturally, when he has gained
his wishes he ceases to endeavour consciously to attract the woman.
And then one of two things happens; either she grows to love him more
for a time, because of that contrariness in human beings which always
puts abnormal value upon the thing which is slipping out of reach--or
she herself becomes indifferent; and then it is a mere chance if they
both, or either of them, possess character and a sense of duty as to
how the marriage goes along. We will take the case of a union when
both parties are in love when they start, and really desire that their
marriage should remain happy. Each ought to decide that he or she will
do his or her uttermost to continue to put forth those charms which
enchanted the mate before the ceremony. No one would expect the bloom
to remain upon grapes if he carelessly rubbed it off, but both man and
woman are extraordinarily surprised and disgusted when they find their
partners are no longer in love with them, and at once blame them for
fickleness, instead of examining themselves to see what caused this
ceasing to care--what they did--or omitted to do--which made
themselves no longer able to call forth love from their mates. And
until it can be grasped that all emotion of love is produced by
something consciously or unconsciously possessed by the other
person--and that it is not in the power of the individual to order