to their circulations does not, it
will be seen, tend to numerical nicety, though doubtless it has its
advantages from the advertising point of view. The following items of
news are intelligently anticipated.

* * *

The licences cancelled in one district in Scotland, as a result of
the recent local veto poll, total exactly half the number of quires of
"returns" of last week's _Pawkiesheils Gazette_. It is insignificant.

* * *

An analysis of the miners' votes in the Lancashire coalfield proves
that there were as many men in favour of rejecting the Government
proposals as would have provided ten readers for each copy sold (_not_
merely printed) of the last issue of _The Chowbent and Chequerbent
Chronicle_. It is magnificent.

* * *

It is estimated that, if three more distinguished statesmen and
another woman of letters can be prevailed upon to write piquant
reviews of Mrs. ASQUITH'S autobiography, the sale of the work will
probably greatly exceed the numbers of copies of the latest Blue Book
issued by H.M. Stationery Office. It is unthinkable.

* * *

It is confidently expected that, if the protests against a certain
cinema plot can be sustained for a few days longer, as many people
will go to see the show in the first week as there are feet in the
film--without counting those who will sneak round for a free view of
"The Stage Door of the Diadem Theatre." It is good business.

* * * * *

"An ex-Army officer was charged with stealing cooks valued at
51/- from Messrs. ----'s."--_Sunday Paper._

At that price they must have been very plain cooks.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE SHRINE OF HONOUR.

"WHO GOES THERE?"

"I HAVE NO NAME. I DIED FOR MY COUNTRY."

"PASS, UNKNOWN WARRIOR."]

* * * * *

=ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.=

_Monday, November 1st._--In response to a renewed demand for the
Admiralty's account of the Battle of Jutland the PRIME MINISTER
made the remarkable statement that it was very difficult to get "an
official _and impartial_ account," but he added that the Government
were willing to publish all the reports and despatches on the subject
and leave the public to judge.

Who shall decide, when Admirals disagree?
Why, JULIAN CORBETT, or the great B.P.

Owing to the unexpectedly rapid passage through Committee of the
Government of Ireland Bill last Friday