TAKE ME ON?"

TRADE UNION OFFICIAL. "MY GOOD FELLOW, BRICKLAYING REQUIRES YEARS AND
YEARS OF APPRENTICESHIP."

EX-SERVICE MAN. "SO DOES SOLDIERING; BUT THEY WEREN'T SO PARTICULAR
WHEN THERE WAS WORK TO BE DONE AT THE FRONT."]

* * * * *

=ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.=

_Monday, October 25th_.--Sir PHILIP LLOYD-GREAME, the newest recruit
on the Treasury Bench, already answers Questions with all the
assurance of the other LLOYD G. His readiness in referring the
inquisitive to other Departments and in declining to go beyond
his brief--witness his modest refusal to discuss in reply to a
Supplementary Question the possibility of imposing a tariff in this
country--suggests that somewhere behind the SPEAKER'S chair there must
be a school for Under-Secretaries where the callow back-bencher is
instructed in the arts and crafts required in the seats of the mighty.

For this purpose I can imagine no better instructor than the
ATTORNEY-GENERAL, who combines scrupulous politeness with an icy
precision of language. Take, for example, his treatment of Mr.
PEMBERTON BILLING'S defiant inquiry if it would now be "compatible
with the dignity of the Government" to say that there had never been
any intention to bring the War-criminals to trial. "No," replied Sir
GORDON HEWART in his most pedagogic manner, "it cannot be compatible
with anyone's dignity to make a statement which is manifestly untrue."

[Illustration: A GOVERNMENT RECRUIT.

Sir PHILIP LLOYD-GREAME.

_Parliamentary Secretary to the Board of Trade._]

This week was to have been devoted, _de die in diem_, to getting on
with the Government of Ireland Bill. But the malignant sprite that has
hitherto foiled every effort to pacify Ireland again intervened, and
the House found itself called upon to discuss the Emergency Powers
Bill. The measure is a peace-time successor to D.O.R.A. (who in the
opinion of the Government is getting a little _passee_) and, perhaps
naturally, met with little approval. Mr. ASQUITH, while admitting
that something of the kind might be required, took exception to the
vagueness of its drafting. "What is 'substantial'?" he inquired.
"Ask them another!" Mr. WILL THORNE joyfully interjected. "What is
'substantial'?" repeated the EX-PREMIER; whereupon the Coalition with
one voice replied, "WILL THORNE."

[Illustration: SOMETHING "SUBSTANTIAL." Mr. WILL THORNE.]

With consummate skill the PRIME MINISTER managed to get the Ho