hese _Wedding Bells_.

O.S.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "AND WHY AREN'T YOU GOING TO SUNDAY SCHOOL?"

"'COS IT'S 'AROLD'S TURN FOR THE COLLAR."]

* * * * *

MORE DIRECT ACTION.

"Northumberland Miners' Executive have decided to have Mr. Robert
Smillie's portrait painted in oils for Burt Hall, Newcastle.

Other matter relating to the coal crisis appears on Page Eleven."--
_Daily Telegraph._

* * * * *

"DAY BY DAY.

Well, did you get your gun and have a shot at the pheasants and the
partridges yesterday?"--_Scotch Paper, Sept. 2nd._

Naturally; the same gun with which we knocked the grouse over in July.

* * * * *

"TEMP. IN SHADE.--Max. of past 24 hours. Hyderabad (Sind) ... 941.2."--
_Indian Paper._

Good for the Sinders.

* * * * *

"One Dog with fairy tail came to my house, ----, Srimanta Dey's Lane,
may be restored to the owner on satisfactory proof."--_Statesman
(Calcutta)._

The evidence of a dog like that would of course be useless.

* * * * *

"The Cathedral Choristers received a flattening reception."--
_Provincial Paper._

That should "learn" them to sing sharp.

* * * * *

There was a young man of Combe Florey
Who wrote such a gruesome short story,
_The English Review_
Found it rather too blue
And MASEFIELD pronounced it too gory.

* * * * *

TO GENERAL OI.

(_The Japanese Commander-in-Chief_.)

The famous commanders of old
Were highly and duly extolled,
But their names, as recorded in song,
As a rule were excessively long--
Unlike that new broth of a boy,
The Japanese General OI.

For we've bettered in numerous ways
Those polysyllabic old days,
And the names that confounded the Bosch
Were monosyllabic--like FOCH;
But for brevity minus alloy
Give me Generalissimo OI.

NAPOLEON now is napoo;
ALEXANDER, THEMISTOCLES, too;
And you could not find space on the screen
For MILTIADES, plucky old bean,
Or the names of the heroes of Troy;
But there's plenty of room for an OI.

I picture him frugal of speech,
But in action a regular peach--
A figure that might be compared
With a Highlander, chieftain or lai