t if England would agree never to
invade this country with more than three thousand men, he would be
perfectly willing that our army should be reduced to four thousand.

When the King of Spain, knowing he was a farmer, thoughtfully sent him a
present of a jackass, Washington proposed naming the animal in honor of
the donor; and in writing to friends about the present, draws invidious
comparisons between the gift and the giver. Evidently, the joke pleased
him, for he repeats it in different letters; thus showing how, when he sat
down to clear his desk of correspondence, he economized energy by
following a form. So, we now find letters that are almost identical, even
to jokes, sent to persons in South Carolina and in Massachusetts.
Doubtless the good man thought they would never be compared, for how could
he foresee that an autograph-dealer in New York would eventually catalog
them at twenty-two dollars fifty cents each, or that a very proper but
half-affectionate missive of his to a Faire Ladye would be sold by her
great-granddaughter for fifty dollars?

In Seventeen Hundred Ninety-three there were on the Mount Vernon
plantation three hundred seventy head of cattle, and Washington appends to
the report a sad regret that, with all this number of horned beasts, he
yet has to buy butter. There is also a fine, grim humor shown in the
incident of a flag of truce coming in at New York, bearing a message from
General Howe, addressed to "Mr. Washington." The General took the letter
from the hand of the redcoat, glanced at the superscription, and said:
"Why, this letter is not for me! It is directed to a planter in Virginia.
I'll keep it and give it to him at the end of the war." Then, cramming the
letter into his pocket, he ordered the flag of truce out of the lines and
directed the gunners to stand by. In an hour, another letter came back
addressed to "His Excellency, General Washington."

It was not long after this a soldier brought to Washington a dog that had
been found wearing a collar with the name of General Howe engraved on it.
Washington returned the dog by a special messenger with a note reading,
"General Washington sends his compliments to General Howe, and begs to
return one dog that evidently belongs to him." In this instance, I am
inclined to think that Washington acted in sober good faith, but was the
victim of a practical joke on the part of one of his aides.

Another remark that sounds like a joke, but perhaps