he pen?"

"Well, Sir," he answered, with some hesitation, "as the young chap who
does the boots tells me that he has never heard of you having had a
single brief while he's been with you, and that's coming three years,
hadn't you better put 'retired' after 'Barrister-at-Law'? It will do
no harm, and certingly would be safer!"

Put "retired" after Barrister-at-Law! "Do no harm!" and be "safer!"

* * * * *

I silently intimated by a dignified gesture to the "Appointed
Enumerator." that our interview was at an end, and then, taking my
walking-stick with me, went in earnest and diligent search of "the
young chap who does the boots!"

(Signed) A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR.

_Pump-Handle Court, April 7, 1891._

* * * * *

"UP, GUARDS, AND ACT 'EM!"

The "them" in this adapted quotation must be taken to mean
"Burlesques;" and if these gay and lighthearted soldiers
continue their histrionics as victoriously as they have
done up to now, they will become celebrated as "The
Grinny-diers-and-Burlesque-Line-Regiments." Private MCGREEVY, as a
cockatoo, capital: his disguise obliterated him, but as Ensign and
Lieutenant WAGGIBONE stealthily observed, "What the eye doesn't see,
the heart doesn't MCGREEVY for." The music, by the talented descendant
of Israel's wise King SOLOMON, was of course good throughout, and
in the Cockatoo Duet better than ever. The ladies were exceptionally
good. Mrs. CRUTCHLEY defied the omen of her name, which is not
suggestive of dancing, and "Jigged away muchly Did Mrs. CRUTCHLEY."
The Misses SAVILE CLARKE,--the Savilians among the Military,--were
charming. Lieutenant NUGENT is an old hand at this, and his _Paul
Prior_ was not a whit behind his former performances. There's one more
Guard O, Major RICARDO. _He_ played _Crusoe_, And well did he do so!
Three cheers for everybody! With the Guards' Burlesque, we fear no
foe. Chorus, Gentlemen, if you please, "We fear no foe!"

* * * * *

THE OLD (CRICKETING) 'OSS AND THE YOUNG (GLOUCESTER) COLTS.

Fifty, not out! A good start beyond doubt,
In a Twenty-four field, Doctor W.G.
And may Ninety-one bring us lots of good fun,
With you at the Wickets for Figures of Three,
To see the Old 'Oss stir in good time to foster
The coming-on "Colts," should give courage to Glo'ster!

* * * * *

"SUCH A DAWG!"

The enclosed was c