e'd do nothin' at all but slape like a pig.' If he'd go
out, she'd gosther him about where he was goin' an' phat he meant to do
when he got there; if he shtayed at home, she'd raymark that he done
nothin' but set in the cabin like a boss o' shtraw. When he thried for to
plaze her, she'd grumble at him bekase he didn't thry sooner; when he let
her be, she'd fall into a fury an' shtorm till his hair shtud up like it
was bewitched it was.

"She'd more thricks than a showman's dog. If scholdin' didn't do for Finn,
she'd cry at him, an' had tin childher that she larned to cry at him too,
an' when she begun, the tin o' thim 'ud set up a yell that 'ud deefen a
thrumpeter, so Finn 'ud give in.

"She cud fall ill on tin minnits notice, an' if Finn was obsthreperous in
that degray that she cudn't do him no other way, she'd let on her head
ached fit to shplit, so she'd go to bed an' shtay there till she'd got him
undher her thumb agin. So she knew just where to find him whin she wanted
him; that wimmin undhershtand, for there's more divilmint in wan woman's
head about gettin' phat she wants than in tin men's bodies.

"Sure, if iver annybody had raison to remimber the ould song, "When I was
single," it was Finn.

"So, ye see, Finn, the Gray Man, was afther havin' the divil's own time,
an' that was beways av a mishtake he made about marryin'. He thought it
was wan o' thim goold bands the quol'ty ladies wear on their arrums, but
he found it was a handcuff it was. Sure wimmin are quare craythers. Ye
think life wid wan o' thim is like a sunshiny day an' it's nothing but
drizzle an' fog from dawn to dark, an' it's my belafe that Misther O'Day
wasn't far wrong when he said wimmin are like the owld gun he had in the
house an' that wint aff an the shly wan day an' killed the footman. 'Sure
it looked innycent enough,' says he, 'but it was loaded all the same, an'
only waitin' for an axcuse to go aff at some wan, an' that's like a woman,
so it is,' he'd say, an' ivery wan 'ud laugh when he towld that joke, for
he was the landlord, 'that's like a woman, for she's not to be thrusted
avin when she's dead.'

"But it's me own belafe that the most sarious mishtake av Finn's was in
marryin' a little woman. There's thim that says all wimmin is a mishtake
be nacher, but there's a big differ bechuxt a little woman an' a big wan,
the little wans have sowls too big for their bodies, so are always lookin'
out for a big man to marry, an' the bigger he