ory, March 9th, 1805.

I do assure you, my Dearest Emma, that nothing can be more miserable,
or unhappy, than your poor Nelson.

From the 19th of February, have we been beating from Malta to off
Palma; where I am now anchored, the wind and sea being so very
contrary and bad. But I cannot help myself, and no one in the fleet
can feel what I do: and, to mend my fate, yesterday Captain Layman
arrived--to my great surprise--not in his brig, but in a Spanish
cartel; he having been wrecked off Cadiz, and lost all the dispatches
and letters.

You will conceive my disappointment! It is now from November 2d, that
I have had a line from England.

Captain Layman says--he is sure the letters are sunk, never to rise
again; but, as they were not thrown overboard until the vessel struck
the rock, I have much fear that they may have fallen into the hands of
the Dons.

My reports from off Toulon, state the French fleet as still in port;
but, I shall ever be uneasy at not having fallen in with them.

I know, my dear Emma, that it is in vain to repine; but my feelings
are alive to meeting those fellows, after near two years hard service.

What a time! I could not have thought it possible that I should have
been so long absent; unwell, and uncomfortable, in many respects.

However, when I calculate upon the French fleet's not coming to sea
for this summer, I shall certainly go for dear England, and a thousand
[times] dearer Merton. May Heavens bless you, my own Emma!

I cannot think where Sir William Bolton is got to; he ought to have
joined me, before this time.

I send you a trifle, for a birth-day's gift. I would to God, I could
give you more; but, I have it not!

I get no prize-money worth naming; but, if I have the good fortune
to meet the French fleet, I hope they will make me amends for all my
anxiety; which has been, and is, indescribable.

How is my dear Horatia? I hope you have her under your guardian wing,
at Merton. May God bless her!

Captain Layman is now upon his trial. I hope he will come clear, with
honour. I fear, it was too great confidence in his own judgment that
got him into the scrape; but it was impossible that any person living
could have exerted himself more, when in a most trying and difficult
situation.

March 10th.

Poor Captain L. has been censured by the court: but, I have my own
opinion. I sincerely pity him; and have wrote to Lord Melville, and
Sir Evan Nepean, to try what can be done.