glow worms!
Imagine it! a Presbyterian divine gravely saying vegetation could grow
by the light of the crystallization of rocks--by the light of volcanoes
in other worlds, probably now extinct.

He says of me, too in his pulpit, that I was in favor of the
circulation of immoral literature. Let me tell you the truth. Several
gentlemen, so-called, were trying to exclude from the mails, books
called infidel. I said the law should be modified. It is impossible for
anybody to reach the depth of one who will print or circulate obscene
books. One of my objections to the bible is that it contains obscene
stories. Any book, couched in decent language, should have the liberty
of the United States mails. Where books are immoral and obscene, I
say, burn them, and have always said it. Mr. Talmage said what he knew
to be untrue. He said it out of hatred, and because he cannot answer
the arguments I have urged. I believe in pure books and pure
literature. But when a God writes there is no excuse for Him. In
Shakespeare we say obscene things are impure--we do not say they are
inspired. That I have falsified the records of the bible showing the
period of Jewish slavery, is another of the charges against me. That
slavery extended over a period of 215 years; and he proceeded to
substantiate this statement by being through a long and somewhat
complicated genealogical table. If I made any misstatement I was
misled by the new testament. Mr. Talmage may settle with St. Paul. If
you can depend on what my friend Paul says, the Jews, in 215 years,
increased from seventy persons till they had 600,000 men of war. I
know it isn't so, and so does any man who knows anything. For such an
increase as this each woman must have borne somewhat over fifty-seven
children, and every child lived.

The next charge is that I have laughed at holy things. Holy things!
The priest always says: "Now don't laugh; look solemn; this is no
laughing matter." There's nothing a priest hates like mirthfulness. He
despises a smile. I read in the bible that God gave a recipe to Aaron
for making hair-oil and said if anybody made any like it, kill him.
Well, I don't believe it. The penalty for infringing on that patent
was death. Do you believe an infinite God gave a recipe for hair-oil?
Is it possible for absurdity to go beyond that? That's what they call
a holy thing. And water for baptism! Do you believe God will look for
this water-mark on the soul?