he bible
for myself and be honest. He lived long enough to believe that the old
testament was not the word of God. He had not in his life as much
happiness as I have in one year. I hope my children will dishonor me by
being nearer right than I am. If I have made a mistake, I want my
children to correct it. My mother died when I was 2 years old. Were
she living tonight, or if she does live, she would say, be absolutely
true to yourself and preserve your manhood. If Talmage had been born
in Constantinople he would have been a dervish. He is what he is
because he can't help it. His head is just that shape. I am taking
away the hope and consolation of the world, he says. His consolation
is that ninety-nine out of every hundred are going to hell. His church
was founded by John Calvin, a murderer. Better have no heaven than a
hell. I would rather God would commit suicide this minute than that a
single soul should go to hell. I want no Presbyterian consolation, I
want no fore-ordination, no consolation, no damnation.

[Col. Ingersoll concluded with a few remarks about the bible women,
saying that women today are as true to the gallows as Mary Magdalene
was to the cross.]

Wherever there are women there are heroines. Shakespeare's women are
vastly superior to the bible women. I am accused of putting out the
light-houses on the shores of the other world. The Christians are
trimming invisible wicks and pouring in allegorical oil. The Christian
is willing wife, children and parents shall burn if only he can sing
and have a harp. Mr. Talmage can see countless millions burn in hell
without decreasing the length of his orthodox smile.

Ingersoll's Lecture on Talmagian Theology (Third lecture)

We must judge people somewhat by their creeds. Mr. Talmage is a
Calvinist, and he therefore regards every human being who has been born
only once as totally depraved. He thinks that God never made a single
creature that didn't deserve to be damned the minute He finished him.
So every one who opposes Mr. Talmage is infamous. The generosity of an
agnostic is meanness, his honesty is larceny and his love is hate.
Talmage is a consistent follower of Calvin and Knox, and a consistent
worshiper of the Jehovah of the ancient Jews. I oppose not him, but
his creed, because it tends to crush out the natural tendencies in men
to joyousness and goodness. There is something good in every human
being, and there is someth