stant, even wondered at
myself for that blame. What, says I, is the real use of this praying;
and to whom or to what do we pray? I see no one to pray to; neither have
I ever thought that my prayers would be answered. It is true they are
worded as if we prayed to God: but He is in heaven; does He concern
Himself with us who can do Him no service? Can I think all my prayers
that I have said, from day to day, so many years, have been heard by
Him? No, sure; if they had, I should scarce have sustained this hard
fate in my fortune. But hold, how have I prayed to Him? Have I earnestly
prayed to Him, as I used to petition my mother for anything when I
wanted it against her inclination? No, I can't say I have. And would my
mother have granted me such things, if she had not thought I had from my
heart desired them, when I used to be so earnest with her? No, surely; I
can't say she had any reason for it. But I had her indeed before me; now
I have not God in my view: He is in heaven. Yet, let me see; my master
(and I can't help thinking he must know) used to say that God is a
spirit, and not confined by the incumbrance of a body, as we are; now,
if it is so, why may He not virtually be present with me, though I don't
perceive Him? Why may He not be at once in heaven and elsewhere? For if
He consists not in parts, nothing can circumscribe Him: and, truly,
I believe it must be so; for if He is of that supreme power as He is
represented, He could never act in so unconfined a capacity, under
the restraint of place; but if He is an operative and purely spiritual
Being, then I can see no reason why His virtual essence should not
be diffused through all nature; and then (which I begin to think most
likely) why should I not suppose Him ever present with me, and able
to hear me? And why should not I, when I pray, have a full idea of the
Being, though not of any corporeal parts or form of God, and so have
actually somewhat to be intent upon in my prayers, and not do as I have
hitherto done, say so many words only upon my knees; which I cannot help
thinking may be as well without either sense or meaning in themselves,
as without a proper object in my mind to direct them unto?

These thoughts agitated me at least two miles, working stronger and
stronger in me; till at length, bursting into tears, Have I been doing
nothing, says I, in the sight of God, under the name of prayers, for so
many years? Yes, it is certainly so. Well, by the grace of