ot mine. A second is that I struggled against what led me here as
much as lay in my power, until I became weak, sick, and confined to
my bed. Farther than that I could not go.

"They tell me that if I were married it would not be so with me. I
will not dispute this, although I do not believe it. But, my good
friends, that is the difficulty. To marry is to me impossible. You
tell me this is unnatural. Yes, my brethren, it may be unnatural, but
how shall I be natural? Must I commit that which in my sight is a
crime, which I feel would make me miserable and be death to my soul?
'But this is foolish and one-sided in you. You are wrong-minded. You
will lose your health, your youthful joy, and the pleasure which God
has, by human laws, designed you to enjoy. You should give up these
thoughts and feelings of yours and be like those around you.

"Yes, my friends, this advice I accept with love, knowing your
kindness to me. But, alas! I feel that it comes from such a source
that I cannot receive it."

"July 5.--My brother George has been here; he stayed three days. He
told me he had often talked with my brother John about living a life
higher, nobler, and more self-denying than he had done. It appears
from his conversation that since I left home they have been impressed
with a deeper and better spirit. To me it is of much interest to
decide what I shall do. I have determined to make a visit to
Fruitlands. To leave this place is to me a great sacrifice. I have
been much refined in being here.

"To stay here--to purchase a place for myself--or to go home. These
are questions about which I feel the want of some friend to consult
with. I have no one to whom I can go for advice. If I wish to be
self-denying, one would say at home is the best, the largest field
for my activity. This may be true in one sense. But is it wise to go
where there are the most difficulties to overcome? Would it not be
better to plant the tree in the soil where it can grow most in every
direction? At home, to be sure, if I have strength to succeed, I may,
perhaps, do the most good, and it may be the widest sphere for me.
But there are many difficulties which have such a direct influence on
one to injure, to blight all high and noble sentiments, that I fear
to encounter them, and I am not sure it is my place. Perhaps it would
be best for me not to speculate on the future, but look to Him who is
above for wise direction in all that concerns my life. Sacrifi