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rite to her, and if from time to time I had not letters from her." So he spoke to Legouve; and he sat down on a stone in a Paris street, and wept. In the meantime, the old lady did not understand this foolishness; she hardly tolerated it, and sought to undeceive him. [Footnote 47: _Memoires_, II, 396.] "When one's hair is white one must leave dreams--even those of friendship.... Of what use is it to form ties which, though they hold to-day, may break to-morrow?" What were his dreams? To live with her? No; rather to die beside her; to feel she was by his side when death should come. "To be at your feet, my head on your knees, your two hands in mine--so to finish."[48] He was a little child grown old, and felt bewildered and miserable and frightened before the thought of death. Wagner, at the same age, a victor, worshipped, flattered, and--if we are to believe the Bayreuth legend--crowned with prosperity; Wagner, sad and suffering, doubting his achievements, feeling the inanity of his bitter fight against the mediocrity of the world, had "fled far from the world"[49] and thrown himself into religion; and when a friend looked at him in surprise as he was saying grace at table, he answered: "Yes, I believe in my Saviour."[50] [Footnote 48: _Memoires_, II, 415.] [Footnote 49: "Yes, it is to that escape from the world that _Parsifal_ owes its birth and growth. What man can, during a whole lifetime, gaze into the depths of this world with a calm reason and a cheerful heart? When he sees murder and rapine organised and legalised by a system of lies, impostures, and hypocrisy, will he not avert his eyes and shudder with disgust?" (Wagner, _Representations of the Sacred Drama of Parsifal at Bayreuth, in 1882_.)] [Footnote 50: The scene was described to me by his friend, Malwida von Meysenbug, the calm and fearless author of _Memoires d'une Idealiste_.] Poor beings! Conquerors of the world, conquered and broken! But of the two deaths, how much sadder is that of the artist who was without a faith, and who had neither strength nor stoicism enough to be happy without one; who slowly died in that little room in the rue de Calais amid the distracting noise of an indifferent and even hostile Paris;[51] who shut himself up in savage silence; who saw no loved face bending over him in his last moments; who had not the comfort of belief in his work;[52] who could not think calmly of wh
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