ondher th' men call ye their fodder,'
he says. 'Twas a joke Cap Brice med at th' time. 'I'll do th' best I
can,' he says; 'an', if I die in th' attempt,' he says, 'bury me where
the bran-mash 'll wave over me grave,' he says.

"An' Gin'ral Shafter he got together his fleet, an' put th' armor on
it. 'Twas a formidable sight. They was th' cruiser 'Box Stall,' full
armored with sixty-eight bales iv th' finest grade iv chopped feed;
th' 'R-red Barn,' a modhern hay battleship, protected be a whole mow
iv timothy; an' th' gallant little 'Haycock,' a torpedo boat shootin'
deadly missiles iv explosive oats. Th' expedition was delayed be wan
iv th' mules sthrollin' down to th' shore an' atin' up th' afther
batthry an' par-rt iv th' ram iv th' 'R-red Barn' an', befure repairs
was made, Admiral Cervera heerd iv what was goin' on. 'Glory be to the
saints,' he says, 'what an injaynious thribe these Yankees is!' says
he. 'On'y a few weeks ago they thried to desthroy me be dumpin' a load
iv coal on me,' he says; 'an' now,' he says, 'they're goin' to
smother me in feed,' he says. 'They'll be rollin' bar'ls iv flour on
me fr'm th' heights next,' he says. 'I'd betther get out,' he says.
''Tis far nobler,' he says, 'to purrish on th' ragin' main,' he says,
'thin to die with ye'er lungs full iv hayseed an' ye'er eyes full iv
dust,' he says. 'I was born in a large city,' he says; 'an' I don't
know th' rules iv th' barn,' he says. An' he wint out, an' took his
lickin'.

"'Twas too bad Shafter didn't get a chanst at him, but he's give th'
tip to th' la-ads that makes th' boats. No more ixpinsive steel an'
ir'n, but good ol' grass fr'm th' twinty-acre meadow. Th' ship-yards
'll be moved fr'm th' say, an' laid down in th' neighborhood iv Polo,
Illinye, an' all th' Mississippi Valley 'll ring with th' sound iv th'
scythe an' th' pitchfork buildin' th' definse iv our counthry's honor.
Thank th' Lord, we've winrows an' winrows iv Shafter's armor plate
between here an' Dubuque."

Mr. Hennessy said good-night. "As me cousin used to say," he remarked,
"we're through with wan hell iv a bad year, an' here goes f'r another
like it."

"Well," said Mr. Dooley, "may th' Lord niver sind us a foolisher wan
than this!"

THE PERFORMANCES OF LIEUTENANT HOBSON.

"If I'd been down to th' Audjitooroom th' other night," said Mr.
Hennessy, "an' had a chunk iv coal fr'm th' sunk 'Merrimac,' I'd iv
handed it to that man Loot Hobson. I wud so. Th' idee