e afraid
iv thim long, f'r I'd be a cab-dhriver mesilf.

"'Wan thing more, an' thin me tistimony's over. Ye want me advice. Ye
didn't ask f'r it. If I was prisident iv this coort-martial, I'd say
to Cap Dhryfuss: "Cap, get out. Ye may not be a thraitor, but ye're
worse. Ye're become a bore." An' I'd give him money enough to lave th'
counthry. Thin I'd sind th' gin'ral staff off to some quiet counthry
village where they'd be free fr'm rumors iv war, an' have nawthin'
else to do but set around in rockin'-chairs an' play with th' cat.
Thin I'd cut th' cable to England; an' thin I'd gather all the
journalists iv Paris together, an' I'd say, "Gintlemen," I'd say, "th'
press is th' palajeem iv our liberties," I'd say; "but our liberties
no longer requires a palajeem," I'd say. "This wan, whativer it means,
is frayed at th' risbands, an' th' buttonholes is broken, annyhow,"
I'd say. "I've bought all iv ye tickets to Johannisberg," I'd say,
"an' ye'll be shipped there tonight," I'd say. "Ye'er confreres iv
that gr-reat city is worn out with their exertions, an' ye'll find
plenty iv wurruk to do. In fact, those iv ye that're anti-Seemites
'll niver lack imployment," I'd say. "Hinceforth Fr-rance will be
free--fr'm th' likes iv ye," I'd say. An' th' nex' mornin' Paris 'd
awake ca'm an' peaceful, with no newspapers, an' there 'd be more room
in our own papers f'r th' base-ball news,' says I.

"'But, mong liquor dealer, what ye propose 'd depopylate France,' says
th' prisident.

"'If that's th' case,' says I, 'Fr-rance ought to be depopylated,' I
says. 'I've been thinkin' that's th' on'y way it can be made fit to
live in f'r a man fr'm Chicago, where th' jambons come fr'm,' says I,
lavin' th' stand."

* * * * *

"Arrah, what ar-re ye talkin' about?" demanded Mr. Hennessy. "Ye niver
got a peek in th' dure."

"What have you been doin'?" Mr. Dooley asked, disregarding the
interruption.

"I wint out to see th' rowlin' mills," said Mr. Hennessy. "They have a
very good plant; an' a man be th' name iv Mechell Onnessy or Mike
Hennessy, a cousin iv mine that come over th' Fenian time with
Stevens, is boss iv a gang. He speaks Fr-rinch like a boardin'-school.
I talked with wan iv th' la-ads through him.

"Did ye ask him about th' Dhryfuss case?" asked Mr. Dooley, eagerly.

"I did."

"What did he say?"

"He said he niver heerd of it."

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Dooley: In