Then homeward wend in doleful dumps--
In wet July.

The lawn's a lake, whereon there float
The balls that erst would o'er it fly;
We can't play tennis from a boat,
In wet July.

Our garden-party's ruined quite,
Of invitations friends fight shy;
They wisely shun the sloppy sight
In wet July.

Take that old aneroid away,
A new barometer we'll try;
With hope for haply one fine day--
In wet July.

* * * * *

BEATING THE RECORD.--Mrs. MALAPROP's "Cerberus, as three single
gentlemen rolled into one," was "not in it" last week with H.R.H. the
Prince of WALES, who, in the course of the Royal Entertainments given
to our Imperial Cousin-German, appeared as "a host of illustrious
personages." An admirable performance.

* * * * *

A NURSERY ECHO FROM CARLOW.

PARNELL put the KETTLE on,
TIM HEALY came it rather strong,
HAMMOND was the people's man,
And he's now M.P.

* * * * *

[Illustration: IN DESPERATE STRAITS.

_Jones_ (_Blue Ribbon--to abstemious Lady he has taken in to dinner_).
"LOOK HERE, MADAM, WE DON'T SEEM TO BE GETTING ON A _BIT_! EITHER YOU
MUST HAVE A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE, OR, BY JOVE, _I_ MUST!!"]

* * * * *

ALICE IN THUNDERLAND.

_Alice_ ... The TH-ND-R-R. _White Queen_ ... H-RC-RT.
_Red Queen_ ... CH-MB-RL-N.

"I'll tell you what it is, your Majesty," said ALICE in a severe tone
(she was always rather fond of scolding the White Queen), "it'll never
do to swagger about all over the place like that! Dignitaries have to
be dignified, you know!"

Everything was happening so oddly (since Thunderland had turned
against Blunderland) that she didn't feel a bit surprised at finding
the Red Queen and the White Queen sitting close to her, one on
each side. But she found it rather difficult to be quite civil to
them--especially the White Queen, who had once been rather a favourite
with her, but at whom she now never lost an opportunity of girding.

"Always speak the truth," said the Red Queen (cocking her nose at the
White)--"think before you speak--and _write it down afterwards_. It's
safest, if you're dealing with _some_ persons."

"That's just what I complain of," said the White Queen, loftily. "You
couldn't tell the truth--about that Table--if you tried with both
hands."

"