w what these examinations were, so
he went, all lighthearted, to the Civil Service Board. He read the
questions about the mummies, the bird on the iron, and all the other
fool questions--and he left that office an enemy of the country that he
had loved so well. The mummies and the bird blasted his patriotism. He
went to Cuba, enlisted in the Spanish army at the breakin' out of the
war, and died fightin' his country.

That is but one victim of the infamous civil service. If that young man
had not run up against the civil examination, but had been allowed to
serve his country as he wished, he would be in a good office today,
drawin' a good salary. Ah, how many young men have had their patriotism
blasted in the same way!

Now, what is goin' to happen when civil service crushes out patriotism?
Only one thing can happen: the republic will go to pieces. Then a
czar or a sultan will turn up, which brings me to the fourthly of my
argument--that is, there will be h---- to pay. And that ain't no lie.

Chapter 4. Reformers Only Mornin' Glories

COLLEGE professors and philosophers who go up in a balloon to think
are always discussin' the question: "Why Reform Administrations Never
Succeed Themselves!" The reason is plain to anybody who has learned the
a, b, c of politics.

I can't tell just how many of these movements I've seen started in New
York during my forty years in politics, but I can tell you how many have
lasted more than a few years--none. There have been reform committees
of fifty, of sixty, of seventy, of one hundred and all sorts of numbers
that started Out to do up the regular political Organizations. They were
mornin' glories--looked lovely in the mornin' and withered up in a short
time, while the regular machines went on flourishin' forever, like
fine old oaks. Say, that's the first poetry I ever worked off. Ain't it
great?

Just look back a few years. You remember the People's Municipal League
that nominated Frank Scott for mayor in 1890? Do you remember the
reformers that got up that league? Have you ever heard of them since? I
haven't. Scott himself survived because he had always been a first-rate
politician. But you'd have to look in the newspaper almanacs of 1891 to
find out who made up the People's Municipal League. Oh, yes! I remember
one name: Ollie Teall; dear, pretty Ollie and his big dog. They're about
all that's left of the League.

Now take the reform movement of 1894. A lot of good politici