. The great hall upstairs is filled with five thousand
people, suffocatin' from heat and smoke. Every man Jack of these five
thousand knows that down in the basement there's a hundred cases of
champagne and two hundred kegs of beer ready to flow when the signal is
given. Yet that crowd stick to their seats without turnin' a hair
while, for four solid hours, the Declaration of Independence is read,
long-winded orators speak, and the glee dub sings itself hoarse.

Talk about heroism in the battlefield! That comes and passes away in a
moment. You ain't got time to be anything but heroic. But just think of
five thousand men sittin' in the hottest place on earth for four long
hours, with parched lips and gnawin' stomachs, and knowin' all the
time that the delights of the oasis in the desert were only two flights
downstairs! Ah, that is the highest kind of patriotism, the patriotism
of long sufferin' and endurance. What man wouldn't rather face a cannon
for a minute or two than thirst for four hours, with champagne and beer
almost under his nose?

And then see how they applaud and yell when patriotic things are said!
As soon as the man on the platform starts off with "when, in the
course of human events," word goes around that it's the Declaration of
Independence, and a mighty roar goes up. The Declaration ain't a very
short document and the crowd has heard it on every Fourth but they give
it just as fine a send off as if it was brand-new and awful excitin'.
Then the "long talkers" get in their work, that is two or three orators
who are good for an hour each. Heat never has any effect on these men.
They use every minute of their time. Sometimes human nature gets the
better of a man in the audience and he begins to nod, but he always
wakes up with a hurrah for the Declaration of Independence.

The greatest hero of the occasion is the Grand Sachem of the Tammany
Society who presides. He and the rest of us Sachems come on the stage
wearin' stovepipe hats, accordin' to the constitution, but we can shed
ours right off, while the Grand Sachem is required to wear his hat all
through the celebration. Have you any idea what that means? Four hours
under a big silk hat in a hall where the heat registers 110 and the
smoke 250! And the Grand Sachem is expected to look pleasant all the
time and say nice things when introducin' the speakers! Often his hand
goes to his hat, unconscious-like, then he catches himself up in time
and looks aro