ET YOUR PHOTOGRAPH INTO THE ILLUSTRATED DAILY PAPERS.

[Illustration: Be the only lady fireman In Yorkshire.]

[Illustration: Or be the only wooden-legged roller-skater in Holland
Park.]

[Illustration: Or be the double of some celebrity.]

[Illustration: Or become unexpectedly heir to a large fortune left by an
uncle who emigrated to America at the age of six with half-a-crown, and
lived to become the Hairpin King. It is usual in this case to be
photographed just after you have realised that the fortune is in
dollars, not pounds. Sometimes the lawyer who discovered you, and
assisted you to establish your claim, is included in this photograph.]

[Illustration: Or make a musical instrument out of something else.]

[Illustration: Or you might be a foster-mother.]

[Illustration: Or you might, owing to lack of funds, sweep the chimney
of the Sunday-school yourself.]

[Illustration: But, after all, the pleasantest way is to back the winner
of a double and get L40,000 to 5/-.]

* * * * *

OVER MONT BLANC BY AEROPLANE.

_"'Thou, too, hoar Mount! with they sky-pointing peaks,
Oft from whose feet the avalanche, unheard,
Shoots downward.'"_--_Daily Chronicle._

Conquered, alas! and by one of they dratted flying machines.

* * * * *

"Eastbourne.--Furnished double-fronted villa, from April, for
six or twelve months; facing south; near the downs, fifteen
months from pier, five from 'buses."--_The Lady._

Too near for us.

* * * * *

TO SEPTIMIUS ON TROUT.

(_A February Ode._)

To-day the young year in her sleep was stirring
In woods and hearts of men;
To-night 'tis sharper and the cold's recurring--
Septimius, what then?

Draw in and talk of politics and speeches
To the old tiresome tune?
Not we who saw pale sunshine on the beeches
Only this afternoon;

Who saw the snowdrops frail in woodland hollows,
Who heard the building rooks
Herald a time of flowers and skimming swallows,
Green fields and brawling brooks!

Nay, pledge anew, Septimius, such gages
Of May-time's radiant rout
Till, as becometh fishermen and sages,
Our talk shall trend to trout--

To little trout, to little streams that scurry
Where the hill curlews cry,
O'er which the neophyte may splash and flurry,
Yet heap his basket high;

To careful