drum custom of church-going and whether I thought him
imbecile enough to consider this as any thing more than the means by which
to keep the masses in check; adding, that it was the duty of the
intelligent to make the affair respectable by setting the example of going
themselves; and that he only wished me to act on this principle, when all
accusations of irreligion would fall to the ground. I had always known
that this man was not my friend: but, when I heard this, I felt
disenchanted with the whole world; for I had never thought him more than a
hypocrite, whereas I found him the meanest of Jesuits, both in theory and
practice. I was thoroughly indignant; the more so, since I felt guilty
myself in going to church simply to please Dr. Schmidt. I do not remember
what answer I gave; but I know that my manners and words made it evident
that I considered him a villain. He never forgave me this, as all his
future acts proved to me: for, in his position of chief director of the
hospital, he had it in his power, more than any one else, to annoy me; and
that he did so, you will presently see.

The constant opposition and attendant excitement together with the
annoyances which my father, as civil officer, had to endure, made him
resolve to present a declaration to the government, that I should never,
with his consent, enter the position. He had become so tired of my efforts
to become a public character in my profession, that he suddenly conceived
the wish to have me married Now, take for a moment into consideration the
facts that I was but twenty-two years of age, full of sanguine enthusiasm
for my vocation, and strong in the friendship of Dr. Schmidt. He had
inspired me with the idea of a career different from the common routine of
domestic life. My mother, overcoming her repugnance to my entering my
profession, had been my best friend, encouraging me steadily; while my
father, yielding to the troubles that it involved, had become disgusted
with it, and wished me to abandon my career. He was stern, and would not
take back his word. I could do nothing without his consent; while Dr.
Schmidt had finally overcome all difficulties, and had the prospect of
victory if my father would but yield. A few weeks of this life were
sufficient to drive one mad, and I am sure that I was near becoming so. I
was resolved to run away from home or to kill myself while my father was
equally resolved to marry me to a man of whom I did not know the sigh