ility of debt. "She should be pleasing to his eyes and
to his taste: the taste goes deep into the nature of all men--love is
hardly apart from it; and in a life of care and excitement, that home
which is not the seat of love cannot be a place of repose; rest for
the brain, and peace for the spirit, being only to be had through the
softening of the affections. He should look for a clear understanding,
cheerfulness, and alacrity of mind, rather than gaiety and brilliancy,
and for a gentle tenderness of disposition in preference to an
impassioned nature. Lively talents are too stimulating in a tired man's
house--passion is too disturbing....

"Her love should be
A love that clings not, nor is exigent,
Encumbers not the active purposes,
Nor drains their source; but profers with free grace
Pleasure at pleasure touched, at pleasure waived,
A washing of the weary traveller's feet,
A quenching of his thirst, a sweet repose,
Alternate and preparative; in groves
Where, loving much the flower that loves the shade,
And loving much the shade that that flower loves,
He yet is unbewildered, unenslaved,
Thence starting light, and pleasantly let go
When serious service calls." [208]

Some persons are disappointed in marriage, because they expect too
much from it; but many more, because they do not bring into the
co-partnership their fair share of cheerfulness, kindliness,
forbearance, and common sense. Their imagination has perhaps pictured
a condition never experienced on this side Heaven; and when real life
comes, with its troubles and cares, there is a sudden waking-up as from
a dream. Or they look for something approaching perfection in their
chosen companion, and discover by experience that the fairest of
characters have their weaknesses. Yet it is often the very imperfection
of human nature, rather than its perfection, that makes the strongest
claims on the forbearance and sympathy of others, and, in affectionate
and sensible natures, tends to produce the closest unions.

The golden rule of married life is, "Bear and forbear." Marriage, like
government, is a series of compromises. One must give and take, refrain
and restrain, endure and be patient. One may not be blind to another's
failings, but they may be borne with good-natured forbearance. Of all
qualities, good temper is the one that wears and works the best in
married life.