ttled community on this green earth. Why, Sir,
there ain't a foreign nation that can keep on friendly terms with us.
It ain't ugliness, either--it's only a friendly desire to have a
fight with somebody--we only want an excuse to begin. The only
trouble is, there ain't a nation that reciprocates our pecooliar
national feeling."

"What can you do, then?" asked Windham, who seemed to grow quite
amused at this conversation.

"That's a thing I've often puzzled over," said Obed, thoughtfully;
"and I can see only one remedy for us."

"And what is that?"

"Well, it's a hard one--but I suppose it's got to come. You see, the
only foreign countries that are near enough to us to afford a
satisfactory field of operations are Mexico and British America. The
first we have already tried. It was poor work, though. Our armies
marched through Mexico as though they were going on a picnic. As to
British America, there is no chance. The population is too small. No,
there is only one way to gratify the national craving for a fight."

"I don't see it."

"Why," said Obed, dryly, "to get up a big fight among ourselves."

"Among yourselves?"

"Yes--quite domestic--and all by ourselves."

"You seem to me to speak of a civil war."

"That's the identical circumstance, and nothing else. It is the only
thing that is suited to the national feeling; and what's more--it's
got to come. I see the pointings of the finger of Providence. It's
got to come--there's no help for it--and mark me, when it does come
it'll be the tallest kind of fightin' that this revolving orb has yet
seen in all its revolutions."

"You speak very lightly about so terrible a thing as a civil war,"
said Windham. "But do you think it possible? In so peaceful and
well-ordered a country what causes could there be?"

"When the whole nation is pining and craving and spilin for a fight,"
said Obed, "causes will not be wanting. I can enumerate half a dozen
now. First, there is the slavery question; secondly, the tariff
question; thirdly, the suffrage question; fourthly, the question of
the naturalization of foreigners; fifthly, the bank question;
sixthly, the question of denominational schools."

Windham gave a short laugh.

"You certainly seem to have causes enough for a war, although, to my
contracted European mind, they would all seem insufficient. Which of
these, do you think, is most likely to be the cause of that civil war
which you anticipate?"

"One, pre-eminent