t by their low trick. Meanwhile
uncle was sipping and beaming.--P. E. L. (Norbiton)._

Your problem is a very interesting one and we should find it easier to
answer if you had told us what you actually did. To rise suddenly,
apparently for the purpose of flinging your arms round your uncle's neck
in a spasm of affection, and at the same time to sweep from the table
the bottle and both glasses seems to us the course which possesses most
elements of tact. The circumstance that you were inspired by admiration
and love would mitigate your uncle's wrath, and a new and sound bottle
could quickly be obtained. We admit that the restaurant would remain
unpunished; but then that is a restaurant's _metier_.

OLD BOOKS.

_I have recently turned up in a loft the following books: "Complete
Farrier," LAW'S "Serious Call," "Robinson Crusoe," WESLEY'S "Hymns,"
"The Shipwreck," by FALCONER, two odd volumes of "The Spectator," and
PRENDERGAST'S "Sermons." All are very old, dirty and worm-eaten, and I
feel sure must therefore be very valuable. Can you say what I am likely
to get for them from a good dealer?--E. G. (Croydon)._

Fourpence for the lot.

MR. KIPLING.

_Kindly tell me if the Mr. KIPLING who has been making such a splendid
speech about the Cabinet and their mercenariness and the treacherous
nature of the Irish is the same Mr. KIPLING who wrote "The Recessional"
and "Without Benefit of Clergy"? Some one here says that he is, but I
doubt it.--A. L. D. (Swindon)._

We are making enquiries.

* * * * *

HULLO, BEDROOM SCENE!

When Elizabeth presented me with my first safety razor we were both
extremely hopeful about the future. She, fresh from the influence of a
chemist's assistant, was convinced that breakfast would receive my
attentions at more nearly its official hour; while I, reading folded
eulogies that had nestled mid the dismembered parts of the razor itself,
was looking forward to quite ten minutes extra in bed each morning.

Incidentally we were both disappointed.

For some time everything went well. And then the disused razor blades
began to collect!

Now, one of the duties of our seventh housemaid (the seventh this year)
was to light gas and things in the bedrooms when it became dark. And one
evening, when she was groping about with her hands and snatching at
things on the dressing-table in the hope of finding matches, she
clut