ered a new cheque-book. The
cashier's eyes glistened as he handed it over. "Thirty, I suppose," he
said sarcastically. I thanked him and withdrew. Half-a-crown aside;
balance nothing.

Yesterday I went in and wrote out a cheque. Meanwhile the cashier
disappeared into the back regions. Perhaps he went to make sure how I
stood, but I am certain he knew all the time. On his return the cheque
was ready.

"I'm just off for a tour round the world," I said. "You might take care
of this till I come back," and I handed him the cheque-book. Then I drew
out two shillings and fivepence.

* * * * *

ANOTHER INFORMATION BUREAU.

TO-DAY'S PROBLEMS AND THE REPLIES TO THEM.

THE COST OF ENNOBLEMENT.--A LOVER OF ART.--A VERY NATURAL INQUIRY.--THE
OAKS.--A REMARKABLE OLD MASTER.--A DELICATE TRIAL OF TACT.--OLD
BOOKS.--MR. KIPLING.

THE COST OF ENNOBLEMENT.

_Can you tell me what I should have to pay to become a marquis? My
wife has a great desire to be a marchioness before she dies. Is
there the title of marchioness in any other country besides England?
I mean, do you think I could get it done in, say, Turkey or some
place in need of money? Not America, I suppose? Anything you can
tell me about it will be useful and will earn our gratitude.--H. F.
G. (Bedford Park)._

The market price of a marquisate at this moment is L150,000. A few
questions are asked. It is not usual to make a commoner a marquis at one
step. There are no Turkish marquisates, nor any yet in Albania, but as
one never knows what that country may bring forth perhaps it would be
wise to wait a little. America confers no titles of such importance as
marquis, but a dental degree is not difficult to obtain at, say,
Milwaukee. Tammany has its bosses, but that title carries with it no
distinction for the wife.

A LOVER OF ART.

_Can you tell me where the best choppers are to be obtained and what
are the most valuable pictures in the Tate Gallery?--F. W. M.
(Chelsea)._

There are excellent chopper shops near Smithfield. Opinions differ as to
the best pictures in the Tate Gallery, individual taste being a powerful
factor in the making of a choice.

A VERY NATURAL ENQUIRY.

_Can you tell me where I can procure a book which instructs one how to
write a successful revue? I have quite a lot of spare time just now and
wish to add to my income.--K. M. (Homerton)._

We do not know tha