upon which I grew a little still, and
believed this was a ceremony to be used only to great persons, and such
as made them, what they called, Heirs. I lay very quiet; but the witch,
for no manner of reason or provocation in the world, takes me and binds
my head as hard as possibly she could, then ties up both my legs, and
makes me swallow down a horrid mixture; I thought it a harsh entrance
into life to begin with taking physic; but I was forced to it, or else
must have taken down a great instrument in which she gave it me. When I
was thus dressed, I was carried to a bedside, where a fine young lady
(my mother I wot) had like to have hugged me to death. From her, they
faced me about, and there was a thing with quite another look from the
rest of the room, to whom they talked about my nose. He seemed
wonderfully pleased to see me; but I knew since, my nose belonged to
another family. That into which I was born, is one of the most numerous
amongst you; therefore crowds of relations came every day to
congratulate my arrival; among others, my cousin Betty, the greatest
romp in nature; she whisks me such a height over her head, that I cried
out for fear of falling. She pinched me, and called me squealing chit,
and threw me into a girl's arms that was taken in to tend me. The girl
was very proud of the womanly employment of a nurse, and took upon her
to strip and dress me anew, because I made a noise, to see what ailed
me: she did so, and stuck a pin in every joint about me. I still cried:
upon which, she lays me on my face in her lap; and to quiet me, fell a
nailing in all the pins, by clapping me on the back, and screaming a
lullaby. But my pain made me exalt my voice above hers, which brought up
the nurse, the witch I first saw, and my grandmother. The girl is turned
down stairs, and I stripped again, as well to find out what ailed me, as
to satisfy my granam's further curiosity. This good old woman's visit
was the cause of all my troubles. You are to understand, that I was
hitherto bred by hand, and anybody that stood next, gave me pap, if I
did but open my lips; insomuch, that I was grown so cunning, as to
pretend myself asleep when I was not, to prevent my being crammed. But
my grandmother began a loud lecture upon the idleness of the wives of
this age, who, for fear of their shape, forbear suckling their own
offspring; and ten nurses were immediately sent for; one was whispered
to have a wanton eye, and would soon spoil