. "BELAY, YOU TWO JOHNNIES!--AVAST QUARRELLING! GIVE ME A
'CLOSE-TIME,' AND LEAVE THE 'SEA' AN OPEN QUESTION."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: SHOCKING!

_Fair New-Englander_ (_spending the Winter in the Old Country_). "OH,
WHAT A LOVE! AND IS IT THE FIRST YOU HAVE SHOT THIS YEAR, CAPTAIN
RASPER?"]

* * * * *

TOO CIVIL BY HALF; OR, PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE.

(_A DRAMA FOUNDED--MORE OR LESS--UPON FACTS._)

ACT I.--"PAST."--_Interior of the Savings Bank Department of
the G.P.O. Employes engaged upon their work. The hour for
customary cessation of labour strikes._

_Official of a Higher Grade_. Officers and Gentlemen, the exigencies
of the Public Service require your presence for some time longer. I
beg you to continue your work.

_A Hundred Employes_. Never! (_Aside._) Ha! ha! the employment of
Female Clerks is avenged!

_Off._ (_almost in tears_). Reconsider your decision, I beg--I
implore!

_Another Hundred Employes_. Never! (_Aside._) Seven hours a day and no
longer--shall be secured at one fell swoop!

_Off._ (_with indescribable emotion_). Oh, my country! Oh, my Savings
Bank Depositors! Oh, my dignity of the Civil Service!

[_Faints in the arms of faithful Employes, whilst the other
Clerks defiantly depart. Tableau._

ACT II.--"PRESENT."--_Magnificent apartments of the
P.-M.-Gen. in the G.P.O. Deputation of contrite Employes
listening to the eloquent speech of their Official Chief._

_P.M.G._ (_in effect_). I am delighted that you are such good fellows.
Your conduct in owning that you were wrong in refusing to work after
regular official hours, almost effaces a painful page in the history
of St. Martin's-le-Grand. Let it be clearly understood that extra work
is _not_ compulsory, _but_, if _not_ undertaken, may lead (as in the
present instance) to immediate suspension, if not dismissal. Surely
no one can object to that? (_Contrite Officials express mournful
approval._) And now good-bye, and A Happy New Year. As for the
future--hope, my good friends, hope!

[_Exeunt the contrite Employes, leaving the Officials of a
Higher Grade agitating the nerves controlling their eyelids
spasmodically._

ACT III.--"FUTURE."--_Same Scene as Act I. Venerable Employes
discovered, after twenty years' further service._

_First Venerable Employe_. Remember the words spoken a score of
winters ago--Hope, b