who play with fire (persons who go in for strikes) must expect BURNS."
However, be careful not to say this to a Scotchman, or he may want
your blood before you get to the cigarettes. North Britons are very
jealous of the reputation of their national poet, and permit no
jokes upon the subject. You see, in letting off your witticism at
a Scotchman, you would have to explain that it _was_ a joke. You
might also hint that it was "hard lines" for the Railway Companies
concerned; but this will provoke gloom rather than gaiety amongst
those who have invested in Caledonians and North British. If you talk
about the riots in connection with the movement, you might say that
the pugnacious rioters remind you of safety matches, "for they not
only strike, but strike on the box!"

_The Parnell Negociations in France_.--You can say something about
O'BRIEN's invitation to Mr. PARNELL to pay him an evening visit on
the French coast, reminds you of the once popular song, "_Meet me
by Moonlight, Boulogne_." If you are told that "Boulogne" should be
"Alone," return, "Precisely--borrowed a word--Boulogne was a loan."
This ought to go with roars. At a Smoking Concert you might suggest
that Mr. O'BRIEN was just the man to settle a quarrel, because even
when he was in prison he took an absorbing interest in _the proper
adjustment of breeches_!

_The Row at the Post Office_.--As the Savings' Bank Department has for
years been the Cinderella of the Civil Service, this is a subject that
will not create much interest; however, you might possibly extract
a pleasantry out of the name of the present Postmaster-General in
connection with the now-appeased _employes_. With a little trouble
you should be able to say something quite sparkling about what the
"officers" _hoe_ to _Raikes_!

_The Portuguese Difficulty in Africa_.--Rather a good subject at
a Christmas Dinner, where relatives (on particularly affectionate
and intimate terms) are gathered together. Say you have got to the
dessert, and you start the subject. Observe that it is fortunate that
the SULTAN OF TURKEY is not interested in the matter, or there would
be further trouble of a like character. To the question, "Why?" reply,
taking up a bottle of red wine to point your witticism, "would it not
be a second difficulty with the _Porte, you geese_?" To make the jest
perfect, connect Turkey in Europe with the _dindon aux marrons_, of
which you will have just partaken.

_The Weather_.--If for