olume than a newspaper. I will not trouble you with
the whole conversation, though it would make an excellent scene in a
farce; but after they had in the best bred way in the world convinced me
that they thought I lied when I talked of reading without glasses, the
foresaid matron obligingly said she should be very proud to see the
writing I talked of, having heard me say formerly I had no correspondents
but my daughter and Mr. Wortley. She was interrupted by her sister, who
said, simpering, 'You forgot Sir J.S.' I took her up something short, I
confess, and said in a dry stern tone, 'Madam, I do write to Sir J.S. and
will do it as long as he will permit that honour.' This rudeness of mine
occasioned a profound silence for some minutes, and they fell into a
good-natured discourse of the ill consequences of too much application,
and remembered how many apoplexies, gouts, and dropsies had happened
amongst the hard students of their acquaintance. As I never studied
anything in my life, and have always (at least from fifteen) thought the
reputation of learning a misfortune to a woman, I was resolved to believe
these stories were not meant at me: I grew silent in my turn, and took up
a card that lay on a table, and amused myself with smoking it over a
candle. In the mean time (as the song says),

'Their tattles all run, as swift as the sun,
Of who had won, and who was undone
By their gaming and sitting up late,'

When it was observed I entered into none of these topics, I was
addressed by an obliging lady, who pitied my stupidity. 'Indeed, madam,
you should buy horses to that fine machine you have at Padua; of what
use is it standing in the portico?' 'Perhaps,' said another, wittily,
'of as much use as a standing dish.' A gaping schoolboy added with still
more wit, 'I have seen at a country gentleman's table a venison-pasty
made of wood.' I was not at all vexed by said schoolboy, not because he
was (in more senses than one) the highest of the company, but knowing he
did not mean to offend me. I confess (to my shame be it spoken) I was
grieved at the triumph that appeared in the eyes of the king and queen
of the company, the court being tolerably full. His majesty walked off
early with the air befitting his dignity, followed by his train of
courtiers, who, like courtiers, were laughing amongst themselves as they
followed him: and I was left with the two queens, one of whom was making
ruffles for the man she loved, a