cat in
Pace!_) of that female relative of Mrs. Wragge's from whom, as I told
you, my wife had expectations. Very good. What do you think I did? I
invested the whole of my capital, at one fell swoop, in advertisements,
and purchased my drugs and my pill-boxes on credit. The result is
now before you. Here I am, a Grand Financial Fact. Here I am, with my
clothes positively paid for; with a balance at my banker's; with
my servant in livery, and my gig at the door; solvent, flourishing,
popular--and all on a Pill."

Magdalen smiled. The captain's face assumed an expression of mock
gravity; he looked as if there was a serious side to the question, and
as if he meant to put it next.

"It's no laughing matter to the public, my dear," he said. "They can't
get rid of me and my Pill; they must take us. There is not a single
form of appeal in the whole range of human advertisement which I am
not making to the unfortunate public at this moment. Hire the last new
novel, there I am, inside the boards of the book. Send for the last new
Song--the instant you open the leaves, I drop out of it. Take a
cab--I fly in at the window in red. Buy a box of tooth-powder at the
chemist's--I wrap it up for you in blue. Show yourself at the theater--I
flutter down on you in yellow. The mere titles of my advertisements
are quite irresistible. Le t me quote a few from last week's issue.
Proverbial Title: 'A Pill in time saves Nine.' Familiar Title: 'Excuse
me, how is your Stomach?' Patriotic Title: 'What are the three
characteristics of a true-born Englishman? His Hearth, his Home, and his
Pill.' Title in the form of a nursery dialogue: 'Mamma, I am not well.'
'What is the matter, my pet?' 'I want a little Pill.' Title in the form
of a Historical Anecdote: 'New Discovery in the Mine of English History.
When the Princes were smothered in the Tower, their faithful attendant
collected all their little possessions left behind them. Among the
touching trifles dear to the poor boys, he found a tiny Box. It
contained the Pill of the Period. Is it necessary to say how inferior
that Pill was to its Successor, which prince and peasant alike may now
obtain?'--Et cetera, et cetera. The place in which my Pill is made is an
advertisement in itself. I have got one of the largest shops in London.
Behind one counter (visible to the public through the lucid medium of
plate-glass) are four-and-twenty young men, in white aprons, making the
Pill. Behind another counter