all
so much deeper than that. Gyp had never loved him, never given him what
he wanted, never quenched his thirst of her! That was the heart of it.
No other woman he had ever had to do with had been like that--kept his
thirst unquenched. No; he had always tired of them before they tired of
him. She gave him nothing really--nothing! Had she no heart or did she
give it elsewhere? What was that Paul had said about her music-lessons?
And suddenly it struck him that he knew nothing, absolutely nothing,
of where she went or what she did. She never told him anything.
Music-lessons? Every day, nearly, she went out, was away for hours. The
thought that she might go to the arms of another man made him put down
his violin with a feeling of actual sickness. Why not? That deep and
fearful whipping of the sexual instinct which makes the ache of jealousy
so truly terrible was at its full in such a nature as Fiorsen's. He drew
a long breath and shuddered. The remembrance of her fastidious pride,
her candour, above all her passivity cut in across his fear. No, not
Gyp!
He went to a little table whereon stood a tantalus, tumblers, and a
syphon, and pouring out some brandy, drank. It steadied him. And he
began to practise. He took a passage from Brahms' violin concerto and
began to play it over and over. Suddenly, he found he was repeating the
same flaws each time; he was not attending. The fingering of that thing
was ghastly! Music-lessons! Why did she take them? Waste of time and
money--she would never be anything but an amateur! Ugh! Unconsciously,
he had stopped playing. Had she gone there to-day? It was past
lunch-time. Perhaps she had come in.
He put down his violin and went back to the house. No sign of her! The
maid came to ask if he would lunch. No! Was the mistress to be in? She
had not said. He went into the dining-room, ate a biscuit, and drank a
brandy and soda. It steadied him. Lighting a cigarette, he came back to
the drawing-room and sat down at Gyp's bureau. How tidy! On the little
calendar, a pencil-cross was set against to-day--Wednesday, another
against Friday. What for? Music-lessons! He reached to a pigeon-hole,
and took out her address-book. "H--Harmost, 305A, Marylebone Road," and
against it the words in pencil, "3 P.M."
Three o'clock. So that was her hour! His eyes rested idly on a little
old coloured print of a Bacchante, with flowing green scarf, shaking a
tambourine at a naked Cupid, who with a baby bow a
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