s_. "I'VE GOT _SUCH_ A COLD TO-DAY. I FEEL QUITE _STUPID_!"

_Prize Idiot_ (_calling_). "I'VE GOT A BAD COLD TOO; BUT _I_ DON'T
FEEL PARTICULARLY STUPID!

_Hostess_. "AH, I SEE YOU'RE NOT QUITE YOURSELF!"]

* * * * *

THE POLITICAL JOHNNY GILPIN.

(_Lately-discovered Fragments of a Grand Old Ballad, the
Sequel to which may--or may not--turn up later on._)

JOHN GILPIN was a patriot
Of credit and renown;
A Grand Old Leader eke was he,
Of famous London town.

JOHN's Liberal Lady said, "Oh, dear!
Out in the cold we've been
These seven tedious years, and have
No chance of Office seen.

"To-morrow is Election Day,
And we may then repair
Our Party-split a little bit,--
That is--if you take care!

"Our Sisters, and the Labour lot,
Need soothing, you'll agree;
If we can all together ride,
I think we'll have a spree."

He soon replied, "I do admire
Of Liberal Dames but one,
And you are she, my dearest dear;
Therefore it shall be done!

"I am a Programme-rider bold,
As all the world doth know,
And my good friend the Party 'Whip'
Will teach me how to go."

Quoth the good dame, "Liquor we'll want,
The 'Union Tap' is queer;
We'll furnished be with our own 'Blend,'
Scotch-Irish bright and clear."

JOHN GILPIN kissed his partner shrewd;
O'erjoyed was he to find
That, though on conquest she was bent,
She had a prudent mind.

* * * * *

JOHN GILPIN, at his horse's side,
Seized fast the flowing mane,
And up he got, in haste to ride,
But soon came down again.

For saddle-tree scarce reached had he,
His journey to begin.
When, turning round his head, he saw
Queer customers come in.

So down he came; for loss of time,
Although it grieved him sore,
Yet loss of Votes, full well he knew,
Would trouble him much more.

'Twas long, ere these queer customers
Were suited to their mind,
When SCHNADDY, shouting, came down stairs,
"The tipple's left behind!"

"Good lack!" quoth he, "yet bring it me,
My leathern belt likewise,
In which I bear my trusty blade
When foes I 'pulverise.'"

His Liberal Lady (careful soul!)
Had two big bottles found,
To hold the liquor that she loved,
And keep it safe and sound.

Each bottle had a curling ear,
Through which the belt he