some passages for the Brothers.
In the evening I went down to the countess and told a funny story about
B., and only remembered that I ought not to have done so when everybody
laughed loudly at it.

I am going to bed with a happy and tranquil mind. Great God, help me to
walk in Thy paths, (1) to conquer anger by calmness and deliberation,
(2) to vanquish lust by self-restraint and repulsion, (3) to withdraw
from worldliness, but not avoid (a) the service of the state, (b) family
duties, (c) relations with my friends, and the management of my affairs.

27th November

I got up late. On waking I lay long in bed yielding to sloth. O God,
help and strengthen me that I may walk in Thy ways! Read the Scriptures,
but without proper feeling. Brother Urusov came and we talked about
worldly vanities. He told me of the Emperor's new projects. I began to
criticize them, but remembered my rules and my benefactor's words--that
a true Freemason should be a zealous worker for the state when his aid
is required and a quiet onlooker when not called on to assist. My tongue
is my enemy. Brothers G. V. and O. visited me and we had a preliminary
talk about the reception of a new Brother. They laid on me the duty of
Rhetor. I feel myself weak and unworthy. Then our talk turned to the
interpretation of the seven pillars and steps of the Temple, the seven
sciences, the seven virtues, the seven vices, and the seven gifts of the
Holy Spirit. Brother O. was very eloquent. In the evening the admission
took place. The new decoration of the Premises contributed much to the
magnificence of the spectacle. It was Boris Drubetskoy who was admitted.
I nominated him and was the Rhetor. A strange feeling agitated me all
the time I was alone with him in the dark chamber. I caught myself
harboring a feeling of hatred toward him which I vainly tried to
overcome. That is why I should really like to save him from evil and
lead him into the path of truth, but evil thoughts of him did not leave
me. It seemed to me that his object in entering the Brotherhood was
merely to be intimate and in favor with members of our lodge. Apart
from the fact that he had asked me several times whether N. and S. were
members of our lodge (a question to which I could not reply) and that
according to my observation he is incapable of feeling respect for our
holy order and is too preoccupied and satisfied with the outer man to
desire spiritual improvement, I had no cause to doubt h