and I was glad he noticed this. But he
looked at me with vexation and jumped up, breaking off his remarks. I
felt abashed and asked whether what he had been saying did not concern
me; but he did not reply, gave me a kind look, and then we suddenly
found ourselves in my bedroom where there is a double bed. He lay down
on the edge of it and I burned with longing to caress him and lie down
too. And he said, "Tell me frankly what is your chief temptation? Do
you know it? I think you know it already." Abashed by this question,
I replied that sloth was my chief temptation. He shook his head
incredulously; and even more abashed, I said that though I was living
with my wife as he advised, I was not living with her as her husband. To
this he replied that one should not deprive a wife of one's embraces and
gave me to understand that that was my duty. But I replied that I should
be ashamed to do it, and suddenly everything vanished. And I awoke and
found in my mind the text from the Gospel: "The life was the light of
men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it
not." Joseph Alexeevich's face had looked young and bright. That day I
received a letter from my benefactor in which he wrote about "conjugal
duties."

9th December

I had a dream from which I awoke with a throbbing heart. I saw that
I was in Moscow in my house, in the big sitting room, and Joseph
Alexeevich came in from the drawing room. I seemed to know at once that
the process of regeneration had already taken place in him, and I rushed
to meet him. I embraced him and kissed his hands, and he said, "Hast
thou noticed that my face is different?" I looked at him, still holding
him in my arms, and saw that his face was young, but that he had no hair
on his head and his features were quite changed. And I said, "I should
have known you had I met you by chance," and I thought to myself, "Am I
telling the truth?" And suddenly I saw him lying like a dead body; then
he gradually recovered and went with me into my study carrying a large
book of sheets of drawing paper; I said, "I drew that," and he answered
by bowing his head. I opened the book, and on all the pages there
were excellent drawings. And in my dream I knew that these drawings
represented the love adventures of the soul with its beloved. And on
its pages I saw a beautiful representation of a maiden in transparent
garments and with a transparent body, flying up to the clouds. And I
seemed