age, and ever (when you lose) have two or
three peculiar oaths to swear by, that no man else swears: but, above all,
protest in your play, and affirm, "Upon your credit, As you are a true
gentleman", at every cast; you may do it with a safe conscience, I warrant you.

SOG. O admirable rare! he cannot choose but be a gentleman that has these
excellent gifts: more, more, I beseech you.

CAR. You must endeavour to feed cleanly at your ordinary, sit melancholy,
and pick your teeth when you cannot speak: and
when you come to plays, be humorous, look with a good starch'd face, and
ruffle your brow like a new boot, laugh at nothing but your own jests, or
else as the noblemen laugh. That's a special grace you must observe.

SAG. I warrant you, sir.

CAR. Ay, and sit on the stage and flout, provided you have a good suit.

SOG. O, I'll have a suit only for that, sir.

CAR. You must talk much of your kindred and allies.

SOG. Lies! no, signior, I shall not need to do so, I have kindred in the
city to talk of: I have a niece is a merchant's wife; and a nephew, my
brother Sordido's son, of the Inns of court.

CAR. O, but you must pretend alliance with courtiers and great persons:
and ever when you are to dine or sup in any strange presence, hire a fellow
with a great chain, (though it be copper, it's no matter,) to bring you
letters, feign'd from such a nobleman, or such a knight, or such a lady,
"To their worshipful, right rare, and nobly qualified friend and kinsman,
signior Insulso Sogliardo": give yourself style enough. And there, while
you intend circumstances of news, or enquiry of their health, or so, one of
your familiars whom you must carry about you still, breaks it up, as 'twere
in a jest, and reads it publicly at the table: at which you must seem to
take as unpardonable offence, as if he had torn your mistress's colours, or
breath'd upon her picture, and pursue it with that hot grace, as if you
would advance a challenge upon it presently.

SOG. Stay, I do not like that humour of challenge, it may be accepted; but
I'll tell you what's my humour now, I will do this: I will take occasion
of sending one of my suits to the tailor's, to have the pocket repaired, or
so; and there such a letter as you talk of, broke open and all shall be
left; O, the tailor will presently give out what I am, upon the re