the Archbishop of Canterbury.

[_Enter the_ ARCHBISHOP, _who is received with much reverence and
attention. He is sworn_.

_J. F_. Your Grace, were you present at the meeting at Beadon Road where
I was arrested?

_Arch_. Yes--yes, I _was_ there. Strange to say, it was on a Sunday
morning. I needed some little refreshment from the toils of
ecclesiastical office. So I took a cab, I admit under the pretext of
paying a visit to my brother of London; and having heard the fame of
these Socialist meetings, I betook me to one of them for my instruction
and profit: for I hold that in these days even those that are highest in
the Church should interest themselves in social matters.

_J. F_. Well, my lord, were you pleased with what you saw and heard?

_Arch_. I confess, sir, that I was disappointed.

_J. F_. Why, my lord?

_Arch_. Because of the extreme paucity of the audience.

_J. F_. Were there a thousand persons present?

_Arch_. (_severely_). I must ask you not to jest with me in the sacredly
respectable precincts of a Court of Justice. To the best of my
remembrance, there were present at the commencement of your discourse but
three persons exclusive of yourself. That fact is impressed on my mind
from the rude and coarse words which you said when you mounted your stool
or rostrum to the friend who accompanied you and had under his arm a
bundle of a very reprehensible and ribald print called the _Commonweal_,
one of which he, I may say, forced me to purchase.

_J. F_. Well, what did I say?

_Arch_. You said, "I say, Bill! damned hard lines to have to speak to a
lamp-post, a kid, and an old buffer"--by the latter vulgarity indicating
myself, as I understand.

_J. F_. Yes, my lord, so it is. Now let me ask you, if that matters, is
Beadon Road a thronged thoroughfare?

_Arch_. On the contrary; at least on the morning on which I was there,
there was a kind of Sabbath rest about it, scarcely broken by the
harangue of yourself, sir.

_J. F_. You heard what I said, my lord?

_Arch_. I did, and was much shocked at it.

_J. F_. Well, did I say anything about bowels?

_Arch_. I regret to say that you did.

_J. F_. Do you remember the words I used?

_Arch_. Only too well. You said, but at great length, and with much
embroidery of language more than questionable, that capital had no bowels
for the worker, nor owners of capital either; and that since no one else
would be kind to them, the