he cried, "don't ask me to consider what the damnable
insincerities of society may say to a case like ours. If _you_ don't
care, then neither do I. And as for the world, by the Lord God I swear
that all I ask of it I am now holding in my arms."
That conquered me--poor trembling hypocrite that I was, praying with
all my soul that my objections would be overcome.
In another moment I had thrown my arms about my Martin's neck and kissed
and kissed him, feeling for the first time after my months and years of
fiery struggle that in the eyes of God and man I had a _right_ to do so.
And oh dear, oh dear! When Martin had gone back to his work, what
foolish rein I gave to my new-born rapture!
I picked baby up from the hearthrug and kissed her also, and then took
her into the dairy to be kissed by her grandmother, who must have
overheard what had passed between Martin and me, for I noticed that her
voice had suddenly become livelier and at least an octave higher.
Then, baby being sleepy, I took her upstairs for her morning nap, and
after leaning over her cradle, in the soft, damp, milk-like odour of her
sweet body and breath, I stood up before the glass and looked at my own
hot, tingling, blushing cheeks and sparkling eyes.
Oh, what gorgeous dreams of happiness came to me! I may have been the
unmarried mother of a child, but my girlhood--my lost girlhood--was
flowing back upon me. A vision of my marriage-day rose up before me and
I saw myself as a bride, in my bridal veil and blossoms.
How happy I was going to be! But indeed I felt just then as if I had
always been happy. It was almost as though some blessed stream of holy
water had washed my memory clean of all the soilure of my recent days in
London, for sure I am that if anybody had at that moment mentioned
Ilford and the East End, the bricklayer and the Jew, or spoken of the
maternity homes and the orphanages, I should have screamed.
Towards noon the old doctor came back from his morning rounds, and I
noticed that _his_ voice was pitched higher too. We never once spoke
about the great news, the great event, while we sat at table; but I
could not help noticing that we were all talking loud and fast and on
the top of each other, as if some dark cloud which had hovered over our
household had suddenly slid away.
After luncheon, nurse being back with baby, I went out for a walk alone,
feeling wonderfully well and light, and having two hours to wait for
Martin, who
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