in doing by my fellows
as I would be done by. Now I am changed. I never visit the Vienna
restaurant but I dwell in thought on battle, murder, pistols,
bowie-knives, blood, bullets and sudden death. After eating a meal it
requires another hour to pay for it. A nobleman, dressed _de rigueur_,
condescends to take my money after he has made me wait long enough.
There are two of these officials at the hotel. One in general manner
resembles a heavy dealer in bonds and government securities--the
other a modest, charming young clergyman of the Church of England.
One morning, when the atmosphere was very sultry, I ventured to open
a window. The dealer in government securities shut it immediately, and
gave me a look which humiliated me for the day. I said I wanted, if
possible, air enough to support life while eating my breakfast. He
said that was against the rules of the house: the windows must not be
opened. There was too much dust blowing in the street. What were a few
common lives compared to the advent of dust in that dining-room?

You must live here by rule. Novelty is treason. It is the unalterable
rule of life that because things have been done in a certain manner,
so must they ever be done. It requires almost a revolution to have an
egg boiled hard in Vienna. I said at my first meal, "Ein caffee und
egg mit hard." It may be seen that I speak German with the English
accent. The eggs came soft-boiled. I suppose that the nobleman who
attended on my table went to the prince in disguise who governed the
culinary department, and informed him of this new demand in the matter
of eggs. It is presumable that the prince pronounced against me, for
next morning my eggs were still soft-boiled. Then I braced myself up
and said, "See here! I want mine zwei eggs, you know, hard, hard! You
understand?" The nobleman looked at me with contempt. The eggs came
about one-tenth of a degree harder than the previous morning. I
resolved to gain my point. I saw how necessary it was to put more
force, vigor, spirit and savagery into my culinary instructions to the
nobleman. This despotism should not prevail against me. When the
free, easy and enlightened American among the effete and crumbling
monarchies of Europe shrieks for hard-boiled eggs, they must be
produced, though the House of Hapsburg should reel, stumble and
totter.

I said on the third morning, "Haben Sie ein hot Feuer in your
kitchen?" Ja. "And hot Wasser?" Ja. "And will you put this