See here, Ailsa, will you let me speak about
the _practical_ part of our future when I come next time?"
For a moment she could, not bring herself to the deception; but the
memory of Berkley rendered her desperate.
"Yes--if you will bring back to Miss Lynden her trooper friend when
you come again. Will you?"
"Who? Oh, Ormond. Yes, of course, if she wishes----"
But she could not endure her own dishonesty any longer.
"Captain Hallam," she said with stiffened lips, "I--I have just
lied to you. It is not for Miss Lynden that I asked; it is for
myself!"
He looked at her in a stunned sort of way. She said, forcing
herself to meet his eyes:
"Trooper Ormond is your escort; don't you understand? I desire to
see him again, because I knew him in New York."
"Oh," said Hallam slowly.
She stood silent, the colour racing through her cheeks. She
_could_ not, in the same breath, ask Hallam to release her. It was
impossible. Nothing on earth could prevent his believing that it
was because she wished to marry Berkley. And she was never to
marry Berkley. She knew it, now.
"Who is this Private Ormond, anyway?" asked Hallam, handsome eyes
bent curiously on her.
And she said, calmly: "I think you did not mean to ask me that,
Captain Hallam."
"Why not?"
"Because the man in question would have told you had he not desired
the privilege of privacy--to which we all are entitled, I think."
"It seems to me," said Hallam, reddening, "that, under the
circumstances, I myself have been invested by you with some
privileges."
"Not yet," she returned quietly. And again her reply implied
deceit; and she saw, too late, whither that reply led--where she
was drifting, helpless to save herself, or Berkley, or this man to
whom she had been betrothed.
"I've got to speak now," she began desperately calm. "I must tell
you that I cannot marry you. I do not love you enough. I am
forced to say it. I was a selfish, weak, unhappy fool when I
thought I could care enough for you to marry you. All the fault is
mine; all the blame is on me. I am a despicable woman."
"Are you crazy, Ailsa!"
"Half crazed, I think. If you can, some day, try to forgive me--I
should be very grateful."
"Do you mean to tell me that you--you are--have been--in love with
this--this broken-down adventurer----"
"Yes. From the first second in my life that I ever saw him. Now
you know the truth. And you will now consider me worthy of
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