e to its crest, and is driving me blindly out across the waste
spaces of the world toward you--wherever you may be--whatever be
the cost. I will not live without you.

"I am not yet quite sure what has so utterly changed me--what has
so completely changed within me. But I am changed. Perhaps daily
familiarity with death and pain and wretchedness, hourly contact
with the paramount mystery of all, has broadened me, or benumbed
me. I don't know. All I seem to see clearly--to clearly
understand--is the dreadful brevity of life, the awful chances
against living, the miracle of love in such a maelstrom, the
insanity of one who dare not confess it, live for it, love to the
uttermost with heart, soul, and body, while life endures,

"All my instincts, all principles inherent or inculcated; all
knowledge spiritual and intellectual, acquired; all precepts,
maxims, proverbs, axioms incorporated and lately a part of me, seem
trivial, empty, meaningless in sound and in form compared to the
plain truths of Death. For never until now did I understand that
we walk always arm in arm with Death, that he squires us at every
step, coolly joggles our elbow, touches our shoulder now and then,
wakes us at dawn, puts out our night-light, and smooths the sheets
we sleep under.

"I had thought of Death as something hiding very, very far away.
Yet I had already seen him enter my own house. But now I
understand how close he always is; and, somehow, it has
changed--hardened, maybe--much that was vague and unformed in my
character. And, maybe, the knowledge is distorting it; I don't
know. All I know is that, before life ends, if there is a chance
of fulfilment, I will take it. And fulfilment means you--my love
for you, the giving of it, of myself, of all I am, all I desire,
all I care for, all I believe, into your keeping--into your
embrace. That, for me, is fulfilment of life.

"Even in your arms you tell me that there is to be no fulfilment.
I have acquiesced, wondering, bewildered, confused. But, dear, you
can never tell me so again--if we live--if I live to look into your
eyes again--never, never. For I shall not believe it, nor shall I
let you believe it, if only we can win through this deathly battle
nightmare which is rising between us--if ever we can find each
other again, touch each other through this red, unreal glare of war.

"Oh, Philip--Philip--only to have your arms around me! Only to
touch you! You shall not tell