d their heads on every pillow. Pleasure, seemingly, was
at their beck and call; they looked on the most virtuous and prudish as
an easy prey, ready to surrender at a word, at the slightest impudent
gesture or insolent look. I declare, on my soul and conscience, that the
attainment of power, or of a great name in literature, seemed to me an
easier victory than a success with some young, witty, and gracious lady
of high degree.

"So I found the tumult of my heart, my feelings, and my creeds all at
variance with the axioms of society. I had plenty of audacity in my
character, but none in my manner. Later, I found out that women did
not like to be implored. I have from afar adored many a one to whom I
devoted a soul proof against all tests, a heart to break, energy that
shrank from no sacrifice and from no torture; _they_ accepted fools
whom I would not have engaged as hall porters. How often, mute and
motionless, have I not admired the lady of my dreams, swaying in the
dance; given up my life in thought to one eternal caress, expressed all
my hopes in a look, and laid before her, in my rapture, a young man's
love, which should outstrip all fables. At some moments I was ready to
barter my whole life for one single night. Well, as I could never find a
listener for my impassioned proposals, eyes to rest my own upon, a heart
made for my heart, I lived on in all the sufferings of impotent
force that consumes itself; lacking either opportunity or courage or
experience. I despaired, maybe, of making myself understood, or I feared
to be understood but too well; and yet the storm within me was ready to
burst at every chance courteous look. In spite of my readiness to take
the semblance of interest in look or word for a tenderer solicitude,
I dared neither to speak nor to be silent seasonably. My words grew
insignificant, and my silence stupid, by sheer stress of emotion. I was
too ingenuous, no doubt, for that artificial life, led by candle-light,
where every thought is expressed in conventional phrases, or by words
that fashion dictates; and not only so, I had not learned how to employ
speech that says nothing, and silence that says a great deal. In short,
I concealed the fires that consumed me, and with such a soul as women
wish to find, with all the elevation of soul that they long for, and
a mettle that fools plume themselves upon, all women have been cruelly
treacherous to me.

"So in my simplicity I admired the heroes of thi